


Carnival of Rust

by Raine_Wynd



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chuck Lives, Depression, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Love, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Miscommunication, Past Relationship(s), Post-Operation Pitfall, Pregnancy, Romance, Second Chances, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:03:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3240683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raine_Wynd/pseuds/Raine_Wynd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years ago, Chuck was on the verge of admitting he'd fallen in love, but the man he wanted fell in love with someone else. Now Raleigh's back and determined not to get his heart broken again. Can Chuck convince Raleigh otherwise? Or will the PPDC's new peacetime mission get in the way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a Poets of the Fall-inspired fic.
> 
> 3/29/15 edit: Updated entire work for grammar edits.

The bar was a working-class bar, nothing fancy. Its major advantage for Chuck was that nobody cared that he was Chuck Hansen, one of the saviors of the world. Here, he was just the guy who showed up on Friday nights, ordered a few beers, maybe played a round of darts or shot a game of pool, and generally hung out. It had been that way since he first walked into it five years before with Raleigh, who’d sworn there was at least one bar in Sydney where they wouldn’t be mobbed for an autograph. It was still a mystery to Chuck as to how Raleigh had found it. No amount of teasing had persuaded Raleigh to give up his secret. They had had a lot of fun flirting with the people who’d come in, getting to know some as friends, others a little more intimately. Raleigh was, Chuck had discovered, a good guy – a lot broken in some ways, but he had helped Chuck negotiate the pain and recovery of two broken legs and the ghost drift from Stacker. Together, they had figured out what to do with their lives now that the kaiju were no longer a threat – and going to a bar on Friday nights had been part of that.  
  
It wasn’t the same after Raleigh had left, Chuck mused now as he sipped his beer. Raleigh had helped relocate the PPDC to Sydney three months after Operation Pitfall, stayed another year, and then left. He’d fallen in love with someone who worked at the Asian Development Bank and had headed back to New York. Michael Lopez hadn’t impressed Chuck the first time they had met. Then again, Chuck rarely thought highly of anyone dressed in a suit and tie, black hair gelled into place, so perfectly put together that Chuck wanted to see how he’d react if blood dripped on his shirt. Still, for the sake of the friendship he’d developed with Raleigh post-Pitfall, Chuck had corralled the urge to mess up Raleigh’s Mr. Perfect.  
  
Chuck didn’t care that Michael had a master’s degree in finance or had grown up in one of the poorer sections of New York City or had lucked into a mentorship program. What Chuck saw was a man who wasn’t as besotted with Raleigh as Raleigh was with him. Chuck gave the relationship a year – but he had been surprised when that deadline passed and Raleigh’s email still indicated that he and Michael were still together, still happy. For Raleigh’s sake, Chuck hoped that his initial impressions were incorrect and that maybe Michael just needed more time to fall in love.  
  
Then, two years after Raleigh had left with Michael, the email had stopped, and Chuck got worried. He had called Raleigh a few times with no reply, until one day the email bounced and the phone number was disconnected. Pestering Mako about it had resulted in her kicking his ass until he admitted that yes, Raleigh had the right to move on and leave them behind, whether or not Chuck liked or wanted him to do so. That had been more than a year ago.  
  
So Chuck went back to his life. The PPDC, under Herc’s direction, had spurned the UN’s initial attempts at reconciliation. Given the official announcements that had been made, the PPDC had pointed out that backpedaling and claiming that it had been operating under UN orders was ridiculous. A carefully negotiated settlement had ensued, which left the PPDC an independent organization but with some continuing funding from the UN. Chuck and Mako were in charge of overseeing jaeger-engineering projects, including the rebuilding of two Mark III jaegers to monitor and study the now-closed Breach, as well as assist in salvage and in search-and-rescue operations. A brand-new jaeger was in the process of being built, though neither Chuck nor Mako knew who would wind up piloting it. Chuck wanted his father, but the protocol meant that as the marshal of the PPDC, Herc couldn’t pilot. It didn’t help, either, that Herc’s last neural assessment had shown worrisome signs, enough to stamp him as even more borderline acceptable as a jaeger pilot than he’d been before Operation Pitfall. It wasn’t anything an average person would see as alarming. Both Hansens knew Herc’s reflexes were slower, that it was taking him a few seconds longer to perform at the kind of peak functionality that being one of the best jaeger pilots required.  
  
Time, then, for Chuck to find a new copilot, a task he wasn’t relishing. Sharing a Drift with Stacker under battle conditions had left him with a better appreciation of Raleigh’s situation, but he knew, too, that even if Raleigh came back, he wasn’t a viable candidate. Piloting a jaeger solo twice and coming back relatively sane was an impossible feat that Raleigh had managed only through sheer determination, but it had left him scarred. The doctors had ruled that if Raleigh were to pilot again, it would need to be under emergency conditions, fearing that he’d fry his brain for good if he were given the opportunity.  
  
Mako as a copilot was not an option for Chuck, either. He had sparred against her since Operation Pitfall, just to have someone else to fight against, but those training battles had only solidified their shared conviction that they were not drift-compatible. The last class from the Jaeger Academy had some promising candidates, which had resulted in pilots for the rebuilt jaegers. It didn’t seem right, somehow, that someone who hadn’t been in Operation Pitfall would pilot a Mark V. Plus, she was now six months pregnant and on bed rest.  
  
For a moment, Chuck let himself wallow in regret. He should’ve spoken up sooner, told Raleigh how he felt, but he hadn’t wanted to interfere with Raleigh’s evident happiness with someone else. Now all he had were wishes of what could’ve been.  
  
_You’re getting morose; time to put down the beer and go home,_ he told himself.  
  
Chuck sighed and cashed out his tab. Tomorrow he was supposed to go through the candidate list and pick out who he thought could pilot with him, but his heart wasn’t in it. He started to rise, figuring on making it an early night, when a familiar voice asked, “Leaving so soon?”  
  
Startled, Chuck turned and looked over his shoulder, then swore. “Damn it, Raleigh, you’re like a ninja, sneaking up on me. Where the hell have you been, you old dog?”  
  
Raleigh grinned and hugged Chuck, an embrace Chuck returned with equal enthusiasm. “New York mostly, but we moved to Dubai and then Mumbai and then to London. You look good.”  
  
“And you’re still too skinny,” Chuck shot back, noting that Raleigh’s wardrobe didn’t look any different from the first time Chuck had seen him in the Hong Kong Shatterdome. “What are you doing in Sydney?”  
  
“Heard you needed someone to help you figure out who can pilot the new jaeger with you,” Raleigh said quietly, and Chuck stared, shocked.  
  
“When Mako said she knew someone….” Chuck began and shook his head. “You know she’s six months pregnant?”  
  
Raleigh nodded. “She’s the one who found me and asked if I’d be willing to come back. She said she’s on bed rest for stress?”  
  
Chuck sighed. “That woman keeps secrets like her old man did, but yeah. Docs said she has pregnancy-induced hypertension, so she’s not supposed to even think about work.“ He didn’t bother hiding his concern over her; Mako was his oldest friend, even when he had been a right shit about needing anyone, and no one knew that like Raleigh did.  
  
Shaking his head, he focused on Raleigh. “You gonna hang here a while or did you want to head back? I was just about to leave.”  
  
“Was hoping you’d say that you were headed out,” Raleigh said gratefully, picking up the duffel bags he had dropped. “I don’t dare drink when I’m this tired and jetlagged, but I wasn’t sure if they’d let me in without an escort, which is why I stopped here first. Figured I’d find you or your dad here.”  
  
“The old man’s on a date,” Chuck said as he led the way to his truck.  
  
“Really?” Raleigh asked.  
  
“Charity event – Sydney’s most eligible bachelors went on auction, and the winner got a date with the bachelor they won. He got roped into it; I said hell no.”  
  
Raleigh grinned at that information. “Oh, come on, might’ve been fun,” he countered. “Yancy and I did that once for a PPDC fundraiser.”  
  
“So did you get someone interesting as your date?”  
  
Raleigh laughed as he opened the passenger side door and stuffed his duffels into the space behind the seat. “Yeah. Yancy thought for sure I would hate having a guy as my date, but John was this IT startup genius who used the event to come out publicly.” Raleigh shrugged and sat down in the passenger seat, then pulled the door shut and put on his seat belt as Chuck settled into the driver’s seat. “I just wanted to know if kissing a guy was different than a girl.”  
  
Chuck glanced over at him. “He made it worth your while, then.”  
  
“Oh, yeah,” Raleigh agreed. “Yancy made me swear that I was never to share that kind of information in a Drift again if I could help it.”  
  
Chuck laughed. “Hard not to chase that RABIT if it’s the last big thing you were doing. The old man used to try to shield me from it as if I hadn’t been living with him in a ‘dome since I was thirteen and knew he wasn’t a monk. Gave up when I told him I didn’t care long as he didn’t try to lecture me about my choices.”  
  
“Did it ever bother you?”  
  
Chuck shook his head and started the engine. “Only if it got in the way of us killing kaiju, and my old man was too invested in making sure we won to let that happen.”  
  
Raleigh acknowledged that with a nod.  
  
Once on the road, Chuck focused on driving; the Sydney Shatterdome was only a few kilometers away, but he didn’t need a ticket, either. Raleigh, apparently remembering that Chuck drove on the wild side, kept silent.  
  
Raleigh’s access had been reinstated sometime in the last twenty-four hours, so it didn’t take long to get through the front gate security. Chuck parked his truck in its designated spot near the front of the ‘dome. Raleigh followed Chuck into the ‘dome; to get to the residential quarters required going through most of the building.  
  
At this late hour, the ‘dome was mostly silent. Since the move to Sydney, the PPDC had become much like any other corporate entity: full of hustle and bustle on weekdays during business hours, and an eerie ghost town in evenings and weekends except for its residents and security. Chuck didn’t mind; it meant that the senior PPDC staff could live on the grounds in peace, protected against those who still wanted to kill them for stopping the apocalypse.  
  
“So how’d Michael take the news that you were coming here?” Chuck asked as they walked through the facility.  
  
“He isn’t a part of my life anymore,” Raleigh said flatly.  
  
“Sorry to hear that, mate,” Chuck said sincerely. “How was England?”  
  
“Not where I wanted to be,” Raleigh replied, and his tone indicated the subject was closed. “Mako said you did some renovations?”  
  
Chuck nodded. “Started after you left. We had a pipe burst in the ceiling of your old room and flooded everything, and then we discovered the electrical was shot, too, so…”  
  
Raleigh grinned. “It became a cascade of tearing everything down and starting over?”  
  
“Yeah. Senior staff have actual studio apartments, now, not just the old bunk beds and kitchenette setup. You’re in one of them, by the way. Mako learned to cook, by the way, and so did my old man; they’ve been taking turns trying to teach me.”  
  
“And are you learning?”  
  
Chuck laughed. “Enough to know that I like baking better than cooking.” He paused to slide his badge through the reader before keying in a code to open the last door and stepping through it, Raleigh following.  
  
“Ah, the communal living room,” Raleigh said, his gaze taking in the sad-looking sectional sofa and the equally ancient flat-screen TV. “Nice to know it hasn’t changed. Does the TV work?”  
  
“Only if you hit it just right,” Chuck replied, grinning.  
  
The living room was situated in a corner; hallways led past it, running forward and to its left and right.  
  
“Good to know. So the paperwork the guard handed me says I’m in apartment 10?”  
  
“That’s five doors down and straight ahead, which puts you across the hall from me,” Chuck said. “I’m in 11, Mako’s in 3, which is to our right, and my old man’s in 15, down to the left.”  
  
“Didn’t want to be right next door to your father?”  
  
Chuck grinned. “We agreed some distance was good.”  
  
Raleigh returned the grin. “How many people are living here now?”  
  
“We’ve room for thirty, but only twenty-one live here in this section,” Chuck told him as they moved forward. “Besides me, the old man, Mako, the heads of operations, security, and engineering, we’ve the head of maintenance, the resident medical officer, the head nurse, a few of the jaeger techs, and the four active jaeger pilots, and of course, you now. Some of the maintenance crews live on site, but they’re over in the crew quarters.”  
  
“Who are the empty rooms for?” Raleigh wondered.  
  
“More personnel, if needed,” Chuck said. “The old barracks haven’t been completely gutted, either, so there’s more room still; this is just the deluxe wing.You know how big an active Shatterdome can be.”  
  
“Hope it doesn’t come to that,” Raleigh said quietly. “I’m not looking forward to battling the next generation of kaiju. I have nightmares that they took what was left of Gipsy and turned her into kaiju we can’t kill.”  
  
Chuck shuddered at that image. “Thanks for sharing,” he said dryly.  
  
“Sorry, but that’s where my brain went,” Raleigh said, shrugging apologetically.  
  
“I was thinking of our current mission. They’re talking about building more jaegers, now that we’ve proved how useful they can be for search and rescue,” Chuck said as they drew near their respective rooms. “If you’re hungry, Housekeeping should’ve stocked your fridge and pantry since you were expected; it’s not much, but it’ll work as a snack. If Mako had any input, she might’ve requested more, especially if she knew your flight was arriving late.”  
  
“I’ll check it out. Where’s the father of her baby?” Raleigh asked.  
  
“Couldn’t handle the pressure of being known as Mako Mori’s boyfriend,” Chuck said sourly. “When the old man told him that they were going to do a press release on Mako’s pregnancy, Jai freaked and left. When I caught up with him, he said that he hadn’t realized just how much publicity there’d be. He wanted no part of it because he didn’t care to be known as just Mako’s boyfriend.”  
  
Raleigh rolled his eyes. “What the hell was he expecting? She’s never going to be anything other than herself and in the public eye, not after all she’s done. Especially if you’ve proven how useful a few jaegers can be.”  
  
Chuck shook his head. “Probably thought she was going to change once she was having his baby.”  
  
“Idiot.”  
  
“He signed over his rights, and as far as Mako’s concerned, he was a sperm donor.”  
  
“She loved him.”  
  
Chuck sighed. “Yeah. The old man had to hold me back from wanting to kick his ass; said it wouldn’t fix what was wrong with that waste of humanity. I don’t know what the hell Jai thought he was getting, dating one of us.”  
  
“Someone who wasn’t what the publicity machine made us into,” Raleigh guessed. “Except you never let them make you into anything other than who you were and Mako was too publicly reserved, so they let her slide into the shadows.”  
  
Chuck nodded; they had talked about this before, especially in preparation for the mass of interviews they’d done post-Breach-closure. Raleigh was conscious of his carefully crafted PPDC image. He was the blond, blue-eyed all-American, the outgoing, flirtatious, happy-go-lucky one of the Becket brothers. Nothing was said about his bisexuality, his family’s tragedies, or the fact he had dropped out of school to become a jaeger pilot. The charade had to go on, muted only slightly out of respect to the loss of his brother and the maturity that it had wrought.  
  
“Water under the bridge, mate,” Chuck said now. “Mako’s happier without him. She’ll be glad to see you, but I wouldn’t bug her right now if I were you. She’s usually asleep by 2100 hours these days.”  
  
“Wasn’t planning on it,” Raleigh said. “Figured I’d at least get some sleep first before I let her yell at me.”  
  
Chuck paused to look at his friend. “You okay, mate? You look like you did the first time I saw you dressed in that PPDC Wall of Life crew coat like you’ve been living on rations and hard work and not a lot of sleep.”  
  
“It’s been a rough year,” Raleigh admitted. “Michael lost his job and he couldn’t handle it.”  
  
Anger surged through Chuck at Raleigh’s words. “He abused you.”  
  
Raleigh shook his head. “No, nothing like that. Just…one day I woke up and he was gone and none of the bills were paid.” He cracked a bitter smile. “He texted me to say he was sorry but he just couldn’t play house anymore.”  
  
“Play house? What the fuck? Why didn’t you call?” Chuck demanded. “You know I’d have your back.”  
  
Raleigh chuckled softly. “And that’s why I didn’t. I didn’t want you flying out to protect me like an enraged brother. Honestly, I needed the time to figure out how to untangle the mess Michael left me and then what I wanted to do next and where I wanted to be. Mako found me right about the time I was going to call and beg Herc for a job.”  
  
“You’re better off without that asshole.”  
  
Raleigh shot him a grin. “Been six months. Don’t miss him.”  
  
Not for the first time, Chuck admired the older man’s resilience. “He comes back to you any grief, you let me know.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
It didn’t take them much longer to reach Raleigh’s quarters. The door yielded readily to the code Raleigh had been given. Raleigh reached in and flipped the light switch before dropping his duffel bag to the floor.  
  
“If you need anything,” Chuck began, but Raleigh waved him off.  
  
“Looks like everything I need is here,” Raleigh said, gesturing to the room, which did look as though someone had been by to stock it. A set of fresh towels was on the small kitchenette’s counter. The coffee service had been refreshed. The bed had been made with fresh linens, and the wall-mounted computer screen had been turned on to the default Shatterdome status display.  
  
Chuck smiled. “I’ll see you in the morning, then. We’re usually up for breakfast around 0700 and congregate in my old man’s apartment since it’s bigger. Mess hall isn’t open on weekends, just on weekdays now.”  
  
Raleigh acknowledged that with a nod. Looking as though he was going to say something else, he chose instead to step forward and then hugged Chuck. “Thanks, man.”  
  
Chuck hugged him back, realizing abruptly how much he had missed the other man. “Don’t mention it, mate. You’re here now; that’s what matters. Even if we can’t Drift, we’ll show them all how it’s done, yeah?”  
  
Raleigh laughed softly as he stepped back. “Yeah, we will.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I've misstated Sydney's destruction or hospital layout, please let me know; my assessment is based on pickleplum's [post](http://pickle-plum.tumblr.com/post/80782274648/and-heres-my-marked-up-maps-of-mutavores-rampage) and current Google maps.

“Damn it, Raleigh,” Herc swore the next morning at breakfast, seeing the younger man. “Have you been sleeping at all?”

Raleigh shrugged. “You know me and stress.” He held up a hand. “I have an appointment for my medical exam after this; I’ll get all checked out per protocol.”

Herc shook his head, not entirely mollified, but he read Raleigh’s reluctance to continue the discussion and changed the subject. “You have anything planned for today?”

“Figured I'd check out everything, introduce myself to the new pilots,” Raleigh said, taking the plate Herc handed him. “Unless you need me to do something else?”

“Other than you doing your required medical? Take the weekend off,” Herc advised as he handed Mako and Chuck their plates before dishing up some pancakes for himself, turning off the stove, and sitting down at the table. “If you want to do something, make sure Mako actually doesn't try to do more than she should.”

“I am perfectly capable of figuring out how much is too much,” Mako protested.

Herc slanted a look at Raleigh as he passed the butter. “Which is why she's going right back to bed after this.”

“I figured as much,” Raleigh said and looked hurt when Mako glared at him. “What, you want me to risk you and your baby?”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have found you and brought you back,” she mused lightly, “if you’re going to side with them instead of me.”

“Cut him some slack, Mako,” Chuck inserted. “You know how far he’d go to keep you safe.”

“True,” she agreed. “But I cannot help but feel a little smothered.”

“You know you had the choice of either here or Memorial,” Herc reminded her. The destruction wrought by Scissure had decimated North Sydney, destroying two of the city’s hospitals. Mutavore’s attack had further stressed out the capacity of the remaining hospitals. An emergency tax measure had resulted in the construction of Memorial Hospital, a new, state-of-the-art facility on the west side of the city, farther inland. “You said you didn’t want to be hospitalized until it was necessary.”

Mako made a face at him and dug into her pancakes. After taking a bite, she asked Chuck, “So will you be showing Raleigh around?”

“You don’t have to –” Raleigh protested. “I mean, I can probably find my way around, and I have some errands I need to run.”

“I can drive you,” Chuck volunteered.

Raleigh shook his head. “No, you’ll be bored out of your skull; I just need to exchange some money and set up my bank account and a few other things.”

“It’s no trouble,” Chuck started to protest, but Herc cut him off.

“No arguing over breakfast,” Herc said firmly, cutting off what he was certain would become an argument. “Settle it later.”

“So how did your date last night go?” Mako asked Herc.

“Not as bad as I thought it would be,” Herc admitted, grateful for the safer topic. “Phoebe is the executive director for the Sydney Women’s Leadership Council. She was a very attractive and animated woman.”

“Will you be asking her for another date?” Raleigh wondered.

Herc shook his head. “No; she’d be a good friend to have but…” He shrugged. “If I were serious about wanting to find someone, I’d want someone who didn’t come across like she actually hated men. I don’t think she meant it that way, but…”

“I have met women like her,” Mako interjected. “They have asked me why I am not out advocating for girls to be like me. I tell them no one should have to live my life. They don’t always like that answer.”

Raleigh smothered a laugh. “They want you to push engineering and science and forget why you became involved.”

“What I have done is in a large part because _Sensei_ pushed me to be the best I could be,” Mako said. “I wanted him to not regret ever adopting me. Should I apologize for letting a man influence me so?”

“Not if that man was Stacker Pentecost,” Chuck told her. “You were his daughter.”

She bent her head in gratitude, a gesture Chuck returned.

“I agree,” Raleigh said. “So I guess this means if we meet with this Phoebe, we have to all put on our masks and pretend we never heard this conversation?”

Herc laughed at that. “You may be able to pull it off, but I know Chuck won’t.”

“Damn straight,” Chuck said quickly. “Got a reputation for being blunt; can’t let it go to waste.”

“And here I thought you had matured in five years,” Raleigh drawled.

“Nah, where’s the fun in that?” Chuck asked, grinning, and turned the conversation to other topics.

Wanting to speak to his son before he went to chase after Raleigh, Herc maneuvered Raleigh into helping Mako back to her room, claiming that Chuck needed to help with the cleanup.

“What, old man?” Chuck demanded as he cleared the table and started filling the dishwasher with the dirty plates and silverware. “You know I’d help you with the cleanup anyway, so what do you want to talk to me about?”

“You gonna hound Raleigh until he gets pissed off with you?” Herc asked as he started washing the griddle he’d used to make the pancakes. “Because he looked mightily relieved that I suggested he help Mako.”

“No, just want to help get him settled again,” Chuck shot back, annoyed.

Herc looked at him pointedly. “So you’re just being friendly.”

“That a crime?” Chuck located the soap pod from its place in a nearby cabinet, dropped it in the proper slot, and started the dishwasher. “I know he’s not ready for anything. Look at him: he lost all the weight he’d gained after Pitfall.”

“But did you see him when he said he had errands to run?” Herc asked, rinsing the griddle and putting it in the drying rack on the counter. “It didn’t look like he wanted company.”

Chuck blew out a breath at that. “Saw, didn’t think he meant it.” He exhaled slowly. “You think I’m pushing already.”

“He’s a guy who just recently got dumped by someone he was with for most of the last five years,” Herc noted. “Give him some space; he just got here. You two will be spending a lot of time together next week.”

Chuck bit his lip and looked away. “I just…” He met his father’s knowing gaze. “I don’t want to fuck this up like I did last time. I didn’t speak up soon enough back then.”

“And if you rush this, we’ll both lose,” Herc pointed out. “We need him; Mako’s going to be on maternity leave for three months after the baby’s born. You’re filling in for Mako so the production schedule for the new jaeger stays on track and trying to be the pilots’ liaison and training officer too. Raleigh is taking over the liaison and training officer role. That still leaves us with a lot of time to figure out who you want to be your co-pilot and to get them trained on what being a jaeger pilot in peacetime means.” He looked at his son. “I don’t want Raleigh deciding he’d be better off elsewhere just because you can’t get along.”

“I know, old man,” Chuck ground out. “I don’t want him leaving, either. We done here?”

“Yeah,” Herc said with a nod, satisfied he’d at least given the obligatory lecture. Six years ago, Chuck would’ve stomped away with some cutting word, but Herc had resolved that if his son survived, he was going to try to be a better father. Chuck had resisted his efforts at first, but slowly, they had worked it out. “You might want to mention to Raleigh you’ve kept the registration on his motorcycle current.”

Chuck flushed at the implication that he was going to talk to Raleigh anyway but said nothing as he headed out the door. Herc grinned at his son’s retreating back, amused as always that Chuck thought he wasn’t predictable.


	3. Chapter 3

Raleigh helped his former co-pilot into her bed and spent a few minutes fussing over her, making sure she had everything she needed for another day spent resting. “You hate this,” he said as he handed her the mini-tablet she’d requested.

“Like I hated not being able to pilot,” she said, nodding. “But I want this baby.”

“Do you know what it’s going to be?”

Mako nodded again. “I am having a girl. Jai wanted a boy. That’s one of the reasons he left.” She paused. “Someone asked me if I would’ve rather had you as my boyfriend.”

Raleigh laughed. “Didn’t we talk about this in some interview? The one where the reporter thought Drift compatibility meant you were destined to be together forever?”

Mako looked blank for a moment, then giggled as she remembered. “I’d forgotten. Yes, that one. I was so mad that she’d implied neither of us was capable of being just friends. I think I scared her.”

“You did,” Raleigh confirmed. “And it was live, so they couldn’t go back and edit it.” He looked at Mako. “You sure you don’t want to try?” he teased.

She wrinkled her nose. “I’ve been in your head, so no,” she replied. “I do not want the same things in a partner as you do. You like them to be a little more brash and risk-taking than I prefer.” She studied him a moment. “Are you going to tell me what happened with Michael?”

Raleigh sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “He was pretty and smart and successful and I thought he loved me. I don’t know, Mako. For a few years there I thought we were solid. Then we moved again because of his job and I was the one at home all the time. I think he thought I’d be more upset about not having a job other than being at home and making sure we had clean laundry and food to eat.”

“He thought you’d be threatened by it,” Mako guessed.

“I suppose. I’ve known how to cook and clean since I was ten; it’s never been any big deal to me. I guess he thought he was getting some macho asshole instead of me like maybe I was more like Chuck. I’m convinced he had a checklist of what he was supposed to have by the time he reached a certain age. Guess that makes me the trophy boyfriend.” He shook his head. “At least I didn’t marry him; that would’ve been a disaster.” He looked at Mako. “How come you didn’t marry Jai?”

Mako dropped her gaze to her hands. Looking up, she admitted, “I wasn’t sure if he was worth it. I never planned on getting pregnant.” She pressed a gentle hand to her belly. “I found out after I was that the version of the pill I was taking has been shown to be consistently less effective than the brand name version for some women.”

Raleigh’s eyes widened and Mako smiled ruefully. “Yes. Apparently, there can be between an eight percent and fifteen percent variance between the generic and the brand versions, and it’s allowed because women have different chemistries.”

“That still doesn’t sound right.”

Mako shrugged. “You needn’t worry unless you plan to get involved with a woman.”

Raleigh shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m done with that whole scene. Like I told you, being bi means twice as much chance for heartache. Besides, I’ve never wanted kids like you do.” He paused as a thought occurred to him. “What happened to Max? I didn’t see him around this morning.”

“He died three years ago; he lived to be twelve. Chuck hasn’t wanted to get another dog yet, but I’m sure he will.” Mako looked at Raleigh. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you helping him decide which puppy to choose; he’s been looking at pictures for eons now.”

“And driving you crazy?” Raleigh laughed and rose. “Listen, I should probably go get myself checked out before I get in trouble for not having a medical exam like I’m supposed to and do all the things on my ‘welcome to the ‘dome’ checklist.”

She frowned at that. “Last I knew, the medical exam was the only thing.”

“Well, I did say it was _my_ checklist, didn’t I?” Raleigh shot back. “I’ll be back later.”

Raleigh exited her room and headed over to the ‘dome’s clinic. In order to meet the PPDC’s requirements for reinstatement, Raleigh had been required to obtain a certificate of wellness before he’d arrived. Protocol wouldn’t be satisfied until a PPDC doctor had also checked him out. The PPDC’s version of an exam was extremely thorough; it was designed to make sure that he was in the excellent health required to pilot a jaeger, even if it was unlikely that he would.

Somehow, he wasn’t surprised to see Chuck waiting for him in the clinic’s lobby when he emerged from the exam three hours later. Raleigh had been pronounced fit for his assigned duties, with the same caveat about piloting a jaeger as he’d had when he’d left. Chuck handed him a bottle of water, which Raleigh took gratefully; having his blood and urine drawn and his neurological functions tested never failed to make him thirsty.

“Thanks. Was there something you wanted besides giving me this?” Raleigh asked after taking a healthy swallow of water.

Chuck dug into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a key ring with a key Raleigh recognized as belonging to a motorcycle. “If you don’t want to ride with me, I never sold your bike. Figured if you ever came back, you’d want your own transportation.”

Raleigh’s eyes widened as he took the key. “Appreciate it, but why? I’ve been gone for five years.”

Chuck shrugged awkwardly. “Just didn’t seem right. You were so happy to get it.”

Much to Chuck’s surprise, who’d been prepared to buy a motorcycle from one of the local dealerships, Raleigh had gone the simpler route and bought a bike from an online ad. Chuck had driven him to the owner’s house. The owner had been stunned to see two heroes of the Kaiju War in his driveway. Raleigh had waved off the celebrity and the offer to give the bike away. It wasn’t a fancy bike by any means, just a standard, classic Harley, unadorned and unmodified, the way Raleigh had wanted. “Well, I appreciate it,” Raleigh said. “I was just going to ask Security to give me a ride since I don’t have a valid license for here yet. I got the email that said I’m not supposed to go anywhere without an escort.”

Chuck nodded. “The kaiju cults are almost gone, but there’s still enough wackos out there who think we’re attractive targets. Just means we’d have a tail if we went out; I drew the line at not being able to drive.”

Raleigh smiled a half smile at that. “Appreciate the offer, but like I said earlier, what I’m going to be doing isn’t all that interesting.”

“Try me,” Chuck challenged.

“I have to exchange money at the bank and buy new underwear, shaving blades, and deodorant,” Raleigh said dryly. “Since you’re so insistent.”

Chuck considered. “Nah, I think I’ll leave you alone for those. Want to meet for lunch?”

Raleigh paused, wondering why Chuck was so adamant on spending time with him. “Look, I know I was gone for five years, but don’t you have better things to do? We’ll be spending plenty of time together over the next few weeks; I’m not going anywhere. You’ll be sick of me soon enough. Besides, if we’re together, the paps are going to go nuts. They quit looking for me; I stopped being interesting. I’d like to enjoy that a little longer while I can.”

Chuck sighed and acquiesced. “If you want to join the gang for dinner, we usually go around 1800 to the Chinese restaurant on Parramatta Road. Be a good way to meet the other jaeger pilots since you left before we hired them.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Raleigh said noncommittally. He’d forgotten how intense Chuck could be, and held his breath to see if Chuck would push further. He let it out when Chuck nodded acceptance of his words. Relieved, Raleigh headed down to the security office.


	4. Chapter 4

After an internal debate over whether he wanted dinner with company, Raleigh decided that since he’d completed his checklist, it wouldn’t hurt to meet the new pilots informally. He needed to assess them anyway, and he was going to see a lot of them since he was living in the ‘dome. Refusing to meet them now would likely be viewed as a snub unless he claimed he was too tired. Given that Herc had seen him that morning and would have received the medical report on him, Raleigh doubted he could successfully use that excuse without getting grilled from Herc, and that was not something he wanted. Aside from that, Raleigh found he genuinely wanted to go. He thought it would be interesting to see if the friendlier dynamic he’d observed that morning between Herc and Chuck would be different or if their relationship really had improved that much while he’d been away. After stopping off to see if Mako wanted anything (she didn’t), he got a ride from one of the security officers to the restaurant.

“Oi, over here!” Chuck called, seeing Raleigh enter the Chinese restaurant. He, along with his father and a group of people Raleigh assumed were the new pilots, was seated at a table for seven. The table was the largest one in the room with a lazy Susan and was tucked into the far corner of the restaurant.

Raleigh slid gratefully into the seat Chuck had saved for him, which was on Chuck’s right. Herc occupied the chair to Chuck’s left. Three men and one woman were in the remainder of the seats.

Going clockwise around the table, Herc performed the introductions. “Raleigh, this is Taras Evdokimov,” he gestured to the brown-haired, unassuming-looking Russian man to his left. Herc then pointed to the slender, stereotypically Japanese man next to Taras, “and Ayuta Kanada; they pilot the rebuilt Echo Saber, a Mark-4 jaeger. Next to Ayuta is Lili Li,” the Chinese woman nodded in greeting, her dyed hair neon magenta under the restaurant’s lights, “and Ethan Callanan.” The final man was distinctive, with freckles dotting his dark brown skin, red hair, and a wide build on a tall frame. He reminded Raleigh of Aleksis Kaidonovsky in that regard. “They pilot the rebuilt Mark‑3, Chrome Brutus.”

Raleigh grinned at the man on his right. “Oh, you got the Canadian one? Sweet.”

“Something had to represent the Americas since you weren’t here,” Ethan drawled, his accent marking him as Australian, and Raleigh laughed.

“Pleased to meet you all,” Raleigh said. “I’ll answer to Raleigh, Becket, or Rals, but not Ray, unless you’re Chuck and being a dick and probably not then either.”

Taras chuckled at that. “I see why they brought you back,” he observed, his Russian accent as thick as the Kaidonovskys’ had been. “So what were you doing if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Let me guess,” Chuck butted in, teasing, “construction.”

“Hey, I’m good at it,” Raleigh countered, unashamed. “But no, I wasn’t. I was with someone and the deal was they worked and I didn’t.”

“Did you enjoy it?” Lili asked.

“For a while,” Raleigh nodded. “I’ve been working since I was fourteen, so it was nice to not have to.” He picked up his menu in a silent signal that he wanted to change the subject. It was still painful, even after six months, to think about how his dream of just being able to care for someone and have them love him for it had fallen to pieces. “So how are we doing this?”

“Family style,” Herc told him. “Pick one dish you want and it’ll be shared. Nothing over three stars, though – Ayuta doesn’t like it that spicy.”

“I want flavor, not heat,” Ayuta said. “Too much heat is not tasty.”

“I’m with you there,” Raleigh agreed. “My brother dared me to eat something that was five stars once.”

“Brothers are good for that,” Lili said. “Mine used to dare me to do all kinds of stupid things.”

Raleigh looked at her and saw from the look on her face that hers was as dead as his. He offered an understanding smile and got the ghost of one in return. Once their orders were placed, the conversation turned to other matters.

“For Raleigh’s benefit,” Herc announced, “this is your reminder that no work-related conversations are allowed at this dinner since we’re in public. Anything else is fair game.”

Ethan took that cue to ask Raleigh, “So where were you?”

“London for the last year,” Raleigh replied. “Before that I was in Mumbai for a year, Dubai for a year and a half, and New York for a year and a half.”

“Where did you like the best?” Ethan asked.

Raleigh shrugged and offered a bland smile. “I’m happy to be here now.”

“Ah, the PR answer,” Taras joked. “Leave that man alone, Ethan. He’s said what he’s going to say about what he was doing before. You like Russian movies?”

“They’re terrible,” Raleigh replied, his smile widening into a more genuine one as he gave the answer he knew he was supposed to give from talking with Sasha and Aleksis.

“Is how you know they’re good,” Taras said with a wink and turned the conversation to recent movies they had watched.

By the end of dinner, Raleigh knew Herc had assembled a very unique set of characters to pilot the rebuilt jaegers. Taras and Lili were both from the last Jaeger Academy class; Ethan and Ayuta had applied and been accepted before being told the funding had been cut. When the PPDC had announced it was rebuilding Echo Saber, Japan had suggested that it would be fitting for a Japanese national to be one of its pilots, much like Australia had with Striker Eureka. Chrome Brutus hadn’t come with such strings. Lili was as fiercely opinionated as her hair; Ethan was a flirt, Taras was loud and bold, and Ayuta reserved but no less present. Demure, insecure, and timid individuals didn’t usually survive jaeger training. You had to believe you were going to win and that you and your co-pilot were invincible, and damn anyone who thought less of you for it. Raleigh liked the new group. He was acutely conscious of Chuck next to him, stepping in and defending him when Chuck thought the conversation warranted. Chuck deflected Ethan’s attempts to continue flirting with Raleigh, and generally fell back into the friendship Raleigh had thought he’d lost as though the years hadn’t ever passed.

“Need a ride back?” Lili asked Raleigh as they stood to leave once dinner was finished.

“I’d appreciate it, yeah,” Raleigh said, seeing Chuck and Herc pick up their motorcycle helmets and jackets from the corner where they had stashed them to be out of the way.

“You’re in the van with us, then,” Lili said, raising her voice slightly so Chuck and Herc heard. Chuck shot her a look and started to say something, but Herc neatly distracted him. “Unless you want to go drinking with Taras and Ethan.”

Raleigh shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. So who’s driving?” he asked as he followed her and Ayuta out to the parking lot.

“Security,” Lili said. “I never learned to drive and Ayuta’s not allowed.”

Raleigh looked at the Japanese man, who shrugged. “Too many speeding tickets; I lost my license.”

Raleigh smothered a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind. So was there any reason you didn’t want me to ride on the back of Chuck’s motorcycle like I suspect he was going to offer?”

“Because we want you alive and in one piece so you can find him a co-pilot,” Lili said easily, opening the PPDC van’s sliding door. “And then maybe he’ll ease up on the rest of us.”

Raleigh climbed into the van after her; Ayuta followed him and pulled the door shut before sitting down on the seat behind them. “You forget one important fact.”

“What’s that?” Lili asked.

“I’m taking over your training.”

Lili shared a look with Ayuta. “So you aren’t going to be any easier?” she asked in a small voice.

Raleigh laughed. “Depends on whether you think you can meet my standards or not.”

Lili heaved a sigh and passed over a twenty-dollar bill to Ayuta. “Well, I should’ve never made _that_ bet.”

“What bet?” Raleigh wondered.

“Lili said you were going to take it easy on us since we aren’t battling the kaiju anymore.”

“True, but you are spending a lot more time in the jaeger, waiting for permission to proceed? And then having to work quickly under extreme conditions, as I understand it?” Raleigh asked, and got nods in return. “What part of that means I should take it easy on anyone?”

Lili sharpened her gaze on him. “You only play the part of a clueless blond for the media,” she pronounced.

Raleigh hid a smile. “And you no doubt rock the punk Asian chick, outrageous and outspoken, a shining example of how progressive China has become, but there are limits.”

Lili inclined her head at that. “Can’t offend my home country too much.” She paused. “There’s a rumor that you and Chuck fought before Operation Pitfall.”

Raleigh started to answer, then glanced back at Ayuta, who was openly grinning. “Might as well pay Ayuta the other twenty; I’m beginning to think I know who’s better at strategy in your jaeger.”

Lili cursed but handed Ayuta another bill, then the driver and his partner climbed into the van, signaling that they were ready to leave and form the procession back to the ‘dome. As if that was the cue, Lili turned the conversation to something innocuous.


	5. Chapter 5

“You’re kidding me, right?” Raleigh looked up from the resumes he had been pouring over for the past hour and at Chuck. The Australian was immersed in trying to coordinate delivery of the jaeger, which would have its final assembly in the ‘dome. They sat in what was now their shared office; each man had his own workspace. A bound printout of the jaeger’s specifications and a set of its blueprints sat on Chuck’s desk while Raleigh’s had a marked-up notepad and printouts of resumes. Both men had their computers on, but while Chuck was more comfortable making notes on the mini-tablet he had propped up on top of the drawing set, Raleigh preferred making notes by hand. One side effect of his brain damage was that staring at a screen for an extended period was more likely to give him a migraine; he’d learned to adjust.

“What’s wrong?”

“What happened to all of the rest of the candidates from the last Jaeger Academy class or the ones that were accepted but told the funding was cut?” Raleigh asked, stretching slightly to get the kinks out of his back from sitting.

“All but a handful of them said they were no longer interested. The ones who were, once they found out they’d be Drifting with me, said no.” Chuck’s mouth twisted sourly. “One of them even told me that if it were the end of the world, he’d do it, but only then.”

Raleigh blew out a breath. “All right, so whoever you pick has to be able to hit the ground running, so you’ve advertised for people who fit the profile the Academy used to use, right?”

Chuck looked confused. “Yeah, so?”

“So who you need won’t necessarily be military or paramilitary,” Raleigh said gently. “You think that’s what you need?”

“You got a better idea? I want someone who’s in shape and can follow orders.”

“You need someone who’s willing to take risks,” Raleigh corrected. “And who understands when not to take them. Would you have shot a flare gun at Leatherback if you didn’t think your father was right to use it as a distraction, even if it killed you?”

Chuck stared at Raleigh. “Fuck,” he muttered. “No wonder none of the resumes looked right.”

“You have a pile of people with fancy qualifications as far as I can read,” Raleigh replied. “And how long have you had the posting open?”

“A month,” Chuck said. “Had HR pull it last week before the old man told me you were coming back. I was sick of looking at people who might work with each other but not me.”

“What would you say to a posting with a question they have to answer, and they have to answer it in a video? You know that piloting a jaeger is only about writing after the fact, when you have to write your mission report. PR will package the pilots for what they think is acceptable unless Herc’s doing things differently now?”

Chuck shook his head. “He thought about changing it, but we talked about it and decided we didn’t want to change what’s worked. You’re free to work with Gaetano in PR if you want to disclose something different.”

Raleigh considered it a moment before waving it off. “Decision for another time. So what do you think of my suggestion?”

Chuck studied him. “What question?”

“If you had to choose between what’s right and what’s proper, what would you choose and why?”

“That’s two questions,” Chuck objected instantly but sobered. “You’re basically asking them what my old man asked me when we were in Striker and only had flare guns. Protocol said we should’ve just stood there like idiots and waited for the kaiju to either take us out or someone to rescue us.”

Raleigh nodded. “Or what I heard happened last year in that near-typhoon that hit Hong Kong.”

Chuck growled at the reminder. “Asshole politician wanted Echo Saber to stand there and wait while that ferry continued to sink. He wanted to be able to blame us. So when Chrome Brutus came in and picked up the ship and started coordinating the rescue effort, he was livid.”

“You didn’t order Ethan and Lili to be there,” Raleigh guessed.

“They were supposed to be at the Hong Kong Shatterdome for the museum’s benefit.”

Raleigh grinned at that. “From what I saw the other night at dinner, Ethan and Lili aren’t exactly models for doing the expected.”

Chuck chuckled ruefully. “Yeah. Dad yelled at them for pissing off the museum officials and then congratulated them for giving Taras and Ayuta the ability to say that Echo was doing exactly as ordered.” Chuck shook his head, marveling. “Why did it take you to show up for me to see that?”

Raleigh grinned. “Because you get hyper focused on the part that’s about you?”

Chuck shot him a sour look. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope, because you think Slattern was one of Striker’s kills, and I’m telling you, it took stabbing it and burning it before it died.”

“Does the fact that I still haven’t updated my jacket with the kill count for something?”

Raleigh pretended to consider. “Maybe,” he allowed. “Since you’ve stopped quibbling over Raiju.”

“Chain sword, yeah, can’t argue that one anymore, geez. You gonna find me a new co-pilot or what, Rah-leigh?”

“Oh, I’ll get you a new co-pilot.” Raleigh paused. “But you might wish I hadn’t.”

Much to Raleigh’s surprise, Chuck didn’t laugh off the remark. “I wish you could Drift. It would be easier for you to know what I need if we could.”

Raleigh looked at him. “I don’t,” he said bluntly. “My head’s a carnival ride, between having Yancy shoved into it and what Mako and I shared. I’d be happy not to bare myself that way again.”

Chuck didn’t look happy at that remark. “Hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Besides,” Raleigh continued, “from all the stuff I read about your brain this morning, you’re probably more like your dad than you think: universally compatible. It’s why Stacker felt confident he and you could Drift without any problems. You just don’t want to share your brain with anyone you don’t think is good enough, and you were enough of an asshole about it that they labeled you as incompatible. Was that on purpose?”

Chuck flushed. “Maybe. I don’t remember.”

“Bullshit,” Raleigh said calmly.

“Okay, so maybe I heard my old man bitch about feeling like a slut in the early days of the program, back when they thought they could hook up just anyone to anyone and make a Drift work. I didn’t want just any dumb fuck; I wanted to be the best.”

“And now?” Raleigh asked steadily. “Since you’re starting over?”

Chuck blew out a breath. “I still don’t want just any dumb fuck. If I could, I’d be your co-pilot, Raleigh.”

Raleigh nodded once in acknowledgment of that, unsurprised by that admission. “And like I said when you told me that the first time, I’d rather have your friendship, Chuck. Already got a co-pilot.”

Chuck sighed. “Then find me someone like you. I miss being in a conn-pod and kicking ass.”

Raleigh smiled crookedly at that. “Even if it’s just lifting construction debris?” he asked, referring to Echo Saber’s upcoming scheduled mission.

“Even if,” Chuck agreed. “I don’t know how to sit around and do nothing.”

“One more thing, Chuck, that I’m not sure you’ve considered. You might want to think about what you’ll share with your co-pilot. Particularly those last moments in Striker when you knew Stacker had tricked you to get you in the escape pod so he could finish the mission alone.” Raleigh rose and took his notepad with him. “I’m going over to talk to Tiago in HR. You have anything else you want to add to the new posting?”

“A deadline. New jaeger is due in two weeks; the final assembly will take three months; two if I can convince the team to hurry up without compromising anything. If we’re training some guy off the street, then it’s going to take longer to get him up to the same level as me. I’d rather have him here sooner than later; the Pacific typhoon season has started, and we’re going to need the new jaeger in service if it’s as bad it was last year.”

Raleigh nodded. “And if your new co-pilot is a woman?”

Chuck grinned. “If she’s anything like Mako and we have what you and Mako have, I won’t object.”

“Does that mean you want better than what you and your dad have?”

“I don’t know if I want that,” Chuck replied gravely. “Me and the old man got tangled up because of it. Couldn’t chat like normal people, so every time we went to fight a kaiju, we were using the Drift to apologize and talk in the few minutes we had before the battles.”

Raleigh stared at him, surprised by the admission. “Okay, what happened to the Chuck Hansen I knew, the one who couldn’t articulate his feelings?”

Chuck laughed softly. “I figured out I couldn’t keep living like that if I wanted to function as an ordinary person in a kaiju-free world.” He paused. “Look, I’m sorry I was all in your face on Saturday about wanting to hang out with you. I just got excited that you were back.”

“I could tell,” Raleigh said dryly. “Apology accepted. I’ll be back in a bit.”

It took longer than the fifteen minutes Raleigh had expected; Tiago asked some clarification questions and by the time they were finished, Raleigh’s stomach was growling. Heeding the call, he headed to the mess hall. After filling his lunch tray, he was surprised to see Mako seated in a wheelchair positioned at one end of one of the tables, Herc on the bench seat to her right.

“They let you out?” he teased her, taking the seat to her left.

“Once a day,” she shot back tartly. “I heard you were brutal this morning in the kwoon to Ethan, Lili, Taras, and Ayuta.”

Raleigh grinned. “Not my fault they weren’t prepared for me to tell them they were slacking off.”

Herc barked a laugh at that. “So that’s why they’re all grumpy today,” he said, nodding towards the table on the other side of the mess hall where the four pilots had gathered.

“Drift compatibility and physical fitness aren’t things to take for granted,” Raleigh said quietly. “And you and I remember when we spent months between kaiju attacks. Slacking off between missions gets really easy to do when you’re sitting around doing nothing.”

Herc nodded agreement.

“And you believe boredom is an excellent way to lose focus,” Mako added.

Raleigh inclined his head briefly. “Besides, it gave me a chance to see how they talk with their co-pilots. Taras and Ayuta lean heavily on the Drift.”

Herc whistled softly in admiration. “How’d you guess?”

“Because Ayuta is more comfortable not talking,” Raleigh said. “The moment he and Taras stepped on the mat and started fighting, I could see him relax. Lili and Ethan just think sparring against each other is fun; they don’t take it serious.”

Mako smiled. “They both had given up on being in a jaeger, so they think they’ve been given an incredible gift and take great joy in doing their job.”

“You think they should be more serious?” Herc asked.

Raleigh shook his head. “Not unless the situation warrants it. Just made me remember the way I used to be.” He ate more of the beef-and-noodle entree he had been served while Mako and Herc exchanged looks. “Where’s Chuck?”

“Conference call with the factory rep,” Herc told him. “They’re trying to tell him things will be delayed.” He shot Mako a warning look. “And no, that’s not your cue to get involved.”

“I’m pregnant, not dead,” she snapped and then took a calming breath. “I hate this. I need to do something, Marshal. The contract specified that the delivery of the jaeger would be in two weeks, and everything was on schedule. I do not understand why it is suddenly not unless they simply do not like dealing with Chuck.”

Herc studied her; he didn’t look surprised that she knew what was going on. Raleigh couldn’t imagine her not, even if she’d been ordered to rest. Mako had been involved with the jaeger rebuilding for so long that it was one of the anchors of her identity. Telling her to not continue to pay attention to her work would be telling her to stop being herself. “Perhaps this does warrant your intervention, but you do need to remain calm, Ranger Mori,” Herc warned her. His formal address warned her that he was making an exception because the situation demanded it.

She smiled serenely, but her eyes held a fierce expression Raleigh recognized. “I have had plenty of practices, Marshal. I waited years to pilot a jaeger.”

“So you did. You will be going straight to Medical afterward, though.”

She inclined her head in acceptance of this condition. “As a precaution, not because you are worrying needlessly.”

Herc snorted. “I’m the marshal; it comes with the job.” Turning to Raleigh, he said, “Excuse us.” With a silent request for permission from Mako, unlocked the brake on her wheelchair before wheeling her out of the room. Grinning at the thought of Mako unleashing her quiet fury on the unprepared factory rep, Raleigh continued to eat his lunch.


	6. Chapter 6

_The Pan Pacific Defense Corps has a rare opportunity for a Jaeger Pilot. Must be able to meet physical and neurological requirements (see list below), be at least eighteen years old and pass initial screening exams (see below for links). Must be able to provide proof of citizenship in resident country and be able to obtain or hold a valid passport without any restrictions. Must have completed high school or able to provide equivalency certificate. If selected, candidate must be able to pass a drug test and if chosen, will be subject to random drug testing. Fluency in English is required; fluency in Japanese, Russian, or Mandarin in lieu of English fluency will be considered. Previous applicants may resubmit applications but must follow all other requirements in this posting. All applicants must submit a video between one to five minutes long answering the following question…._

 

The first applications came within seconds of the new ad being posted the following day. To accommodate Chuck’s request for urgency, the posting was only live for three days, but it was posted on every major job site in the Pacific Rim. Using the expanded rules, the PPDC HR team weeded through the raft of resumes and videos, narrowing down the thousands of applicants to the hundred they thought Raleigh would want to review. Raleigh then sat down with Chuck and Herc and narrowed the list in half; it took them two days. Some applicants apparently thought the video requirement was a joke or didn’t understand the difference Raleigh was trying to articulate. Those who made the cut were invited to the ‘dome for three days of kwoon training, led by the kwoon fight master Herc had requested for this event. That eliminated ten of the candidates.

From their vantage point on the sidelines, Raleigh and Herc watched the candidates. The factory was apparently unable to communicate anything over a conference call not attended by Mako. As a result, Chuck had been forced to fly to the site in Japan and babysit the process of getting the jaeger, now in three major parts, to the shipping dock and onto a barge. He was therefore not present for the training.

“Any ideas?” Raleigh asked Herc quietly.

Herc passed his tablet to Raleigh, where he had made his notes. Raleigh noted that he’d made X’s over the photos of the candidates he thought were least suited. Using the stylus Herc handed him, Raleigh added his X’s; they matched on three-fourths of the same candidates, thereby eliminating another eleven candidates.

“You don’t agree with these ones?” Herc asked, tapping the photo when Raleigh handed him back the tablet.

Raleigh shook his head. “More like I’m not as sure of them as you are.”

Herc nodded acknowledgment. “Chuck will be back on Monday. Want to dismiss the ones we agree on and then continue with the rest?”

“Sounds good to me. Want to call out the ones we aren’t sure of? See how they talk with you?”

“You know I’m universally compatible.”

“So is Chuck; he just doesn’t want to be like you that way.”

Herc let out a slow breath. “I’ve often wondered if that was the case. No problem; I’ll just channel him. Be right back.” He handed the tablet back to Raleigh and headed to the locker room.

Raleigh nodded, then walked over to the kwoon fight master, Ryan Liu, who was leading the class and let him know what was going on. The fight master grinned, then called the class to a halt.

“Attention, please. If I call out your name, you are dismissed from the list of candidates. Thank you for your time and efforts; you may shower and change. Please see HR before you depart the building.” Raleigh then called off the names and waited for the candidates to leave the room. A security guard, alerted to the process by Herc, would ensure that the candidates followed directions.

“If I call out your name next, you will be tested against Marshal Hansen. Everyone else, please take a rest on the either side of the mat. The candidates whose names I call out, please stand on the opposite end of the mat from where I’m currently standing while you wait for your turn.” Raleigh then proceeded to call out six names, representing six different countries: two women and four men.

Within an hour later, they were eliminated. None could match Herc channeling his son’s brutal efficiency. “Told you,” Herc said when he was finished.

Raleigh shrugged. “I thought maybe they’d rise to the occasion.”

“Well,” Herc considered, “just remember that with Chuck, it’s about how fast we can finish the fight. I never could teach him patience.”

“I don’t think most of us ever really learned that one, sir.”

Herc laughed ruefully. “Yeah, even if we’ve gotten used to hurry up and wait.”

They then watched the stunned class try to compose themselves as the kwoon fight master led them on learning the next set of moves. By the end of the week, the list of candidates had been narrowed to twenty. The remaining candidates were given the weekend to recuperate. They were temporarily housed in the old barracks since that section of the residence quarters had more room and sufficed for that purpose.

Raleigh had just returned to his room when his newly issued PPDC phone buzzed. The preloaded contact list identified the incoming number as belonging to Chuck’s mobile. “Hello?”

“Find me a co-pilot yet?” Chuck asked.

“We’re down to twenty candidates.”

“Anyone you prefer?”

“Not going to prejudice you more than you already are,” Raleigh returned evenly. “How goes the babysitting?”

“Bunch of fuckers have no sense of urgency,” Chuck bitched. “Had to remind them that if they delay any fucking longer, they have to pay us for every day they’re late. Not the other way around. No wonder Striker cost a billion dollars. They thought they had the old UN contract, not the one Mako negotiated. When I pointed that out, suddenly things happened. They ‘forgot’ the conversation Mako had with them. Tried to say she must’ve been hysterical because she was pregnant.”

“That’s going to piss her off to know that.” Raleigh switched the phone to speaker so he could change out of the dress shirt he was wearing and put on a t-shirt. “You gonna tell her?”

“Hell no,” Chuck said immediately. “I’m not going to raise her blood pressure any more than it is already. How is she doing?”

“Going stir crazy. Herc had IT lock her out so she can’t access the network to see what’s going on with the new jaeger. Have you picked out a name yet?”

“Got a few ideas. Did Mako tell you she wants to call it Dragon Omega?”

“Yeah. What do you want to call it?” He tucked the shirt into his jeans.

“Orion Alpha,” Chuck replied. “What about you? Do you have any ideas?”

“Ah, no, you don’t want me to do that,” Raleigh dodged. “Yancy and I had a list. They were all stupid.”

“Can’t be any worse than Lucky Seven,” Chuck countered.

“Oh no, Lucky Seven was awesome. I really liked that helmet it had. Made it look like a knight, y’know?”

“Becket,” Chuck growled.

“Fine. Comet Fire, Night Fury, Nimbus Lightning, and Brutus Moonlight,” Raleigh rattled off as he switched out his dress shoes for his battered work boots. “Also, Mustang Stampede and Yellowstone Whirlpool.”

Startled by the rapid recitation, it took Chuck a moment to process. Then Chuck started laughing. “Okay, those are awful.”

“We had been told there might be a new jaeger for us,” Raleigh said quietly. “It was going to be named either Striker Eagle or Hawk Slayer, so we got drunk and started listing the stupidest names we could think of for a jaeger.”

Chuck sucked in a breath at that. “They recycled part of the name,” he realized.

Raleigh said nothing at that. He had played with the what-ifs for years. “So, yeah, stupid list,” he said determinedly. “So was there something else you needed besides venting about stupid suits who think they can get away with everything?”

“Nah, just needed to vent,” Chuck said quickly. “And find out if you’d done my work for me and found me a co-pilot.”

“Yeah, right. Like if I had narrowed it down to one person already, you wouldn’t hate them on sight, just on principle.”

Chuck laughed. “Yeah, well, I’m going to be jetlagged. I’m not going to be arriving until right before trials start.”

“Sounds familiar,” Raleigh shot back. “I’ll have the coffee ready.”

“Fuck the coffee; I want tea. Or did you forget?”

Laughing, Raleigh replied, “No, I just thought you might want more caffeine.”

“You headed out to the bar?” Chuck asked.

“Ethan wants a wingman since Taras has a date.”

Chuck didn’t reply for a moment. “Didn’t think you’d go for that,” he said finally.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Raleigh demanded.

Chuck hesitated. “I just figured you weren’t ready.”

“Something about Ethan I should know? Other than he’s a flirt and looking for a good time?”

“You’ve got him pegged. Thought you wouldn’t be ready for that kind of attention,” Chuck replied.

“I’m not. Doesn’t mean I can’t stand there and make sure Ethan stays safe and enjoys himself,” Raleigh said sharply. “Who made you my guardian anyway?”

“Can’t a guy be a little concerned for you? I mean, I thought Michael wasn’t –”

“If your next words are ‘right for me,’ this conversation is over,” Raleigh warned, irritated. He’d had enough of people telling him he should’ve seen the signs sooner, that he had been a fool for hoping time and proximity would make love grow. Coming from Chuck was just one person too many.

A frustrated sigh met his words. “Fine,” Chuck said abruptly. “I need to talk to my old man anyway.” Chuck disconnected the line.

Shaking his head, Raleigh told himself to put the conversation out of his mind and finished getting ready. Still, it bothered him. Did Chuck think he was so broken that he was incapable of handling himself? Resolving to talk to him when he was back, Raleigh forced himself to consider the matter closed until then and focused on the night ahead.


	7. Chapter 7

Feeling every inch a ruffled, tired mess, Chuck disembarked from the jumphawk just after 0500 on Monday morning. He’d wound up having to arrange for jumphawk transport of the new jaeger just to get the pieces off the factory loading dock. Since the company rep had hemmed and hawed long enough to fail to secure the proper shipping documents, no barges were available to ship the jaeger to Sydney. Chuck wasn’t willing to pay a premium just to get the jaeger delivered, not after he ran the numbers and found the cost of using the jumphawks would be cheaper. As a result, Chuck had been awake for nearly two days straight, coordinating and overseeing everything. It had been a very long, frustrating, and exhausting weekend. Thankfully, most of the jumphawk squadron had been available, so the round-trip was only done twice. The remaining six jumphawks were needed to transport Echo Saber to Manila for the construction contract.

He took the opportunity to shower and change into what he preferred to wear when fighting in the kwoon: an olive green tank top emblazoned with Striker Eureka’s logo and gray sweat pants. From the stash in his pantry, he ate a protein bar and washed it down with orange juice. A quick check of his calendar told him candidate trials would begin at 0600; it was now 0540, so he didn’t linger in his room.

He found the candidates assembled on one side of the room; on the other were Raleigh, his father, and Mako. A weathered old man he recognized as the kwoon fight master from the Hong Kong Shatterdome stood beside them. Mako was seated in a wheelchair, looking determined, a wireless blood pressure monitoring bracelet attached to one wrist; he had a sneaking suspicion she’d demanded to be present. He ruefully acknowledged that he’d earned that.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” he tried. “It’s not like these aren’t videotaped.”

She arched an eyebrow. “And miss the show? You were present for ours, and you didn’t want to wait for the video. I believe the words you mentioned were something to the effect of ‘your list is full of desperate people wanting to get into a jaeger and that none of them were worth half of you?’”

“Well, I was right that none of them were worth Raleigh’s time,” Chuck countered.

“True,” Mako conceded, “but now this is your turn.”

Chuck made a face at that as Raleigh grinned shamelessly. “I think the results won’t require using non-listed personnel,” he said confidently. Turning slightly, he nodded to the kwoon fight master. “Chuck, you remember Ryan Liu, the fight master from Hong Kong. Ryan will be supervising the fights and will be working with me for the continued physical training of you and your co-pilot.”

“Pleased to see you again,” Ryan said, shaking Chuck’s hand.

“Likewise. Shall we get started?”

Ryan looked at Raleigh and Herc. “Let’s not waste any more time,” Herc said. “Candidates, when Ranger Becket calls your name, please pick up a bō and come to the center of the mat. Fighting will begin on my count. ”

“First up, Kuzma Zaitsev,” Raleigh announced.

Chuck took the bō Ryan handed him and stepped out onto the mat. He was surprised to discover he was nervous, and it took him a moment to find his focus. Fortunately, Kuzma seemed to be the same way, but he still took him out four points to zero. The next sixteen candidates were varying degrees of the same. It wasn’t looking good and Chuck was starting to wonder if Raleigh and Herc had chosen wrong.

Then Nicole Santiago stepped up to the mat. Shorter than Chuck by a few inches, she had a compact, muscular build and a striking, ruthlessly angled facial structure. Her black hair had been braided into a coronet. A gold necklace had been tucked under a cobalt blue t-shirt advertising her participation in a triathlon and contrasted against her sepia-hued skin. Like most of the other female candidates, she had chosen to wear black yoga pants. She held a bō staff as though she’d used it before she’d arrived in the ‘dome. She looked to be in her mid to late twenties.

Piloting a jaeger, Chuck knew, was part instinct. He’d never believed the stories of other pilots just knowing who their perfect partner was from the moment they stepped on the mat. Abruptly, Chuck understood that he’d never wanted anyone less than his father because his father was the best. Something about Nicole called to him now, in a way that was different from the others.

“Shall we dance?” Nicole asked him as he rose from the traditional opening bow.

“We can try,” Chuck replied and struck, opening the fight. Nicole blocked him, then tried one of her own.

Chuck grinned; it looked like she’d been paying attention to the way he’d decimated the other candidates. He changed strategies and watched her flow into the trap he’d set.

“One-zero,” Raleigh called.

Nicole stepped back, her hazel eyes assessing before she launched her next attack.

They exchanged parries, dodged a few, and Chuck could feel the Drift forming between them. Distracted by the sensation, his concentration slipped, and she scored her first point.

“One-one,” Raleigh called.

“Focus, Chuck,” Herc added.

The ghost drift between Herc and Chuck tugged at Chuck and made Chuck refocus on the mission at hand. He needed a co-pilot; he liked Nicole so far, and he really, really, really wanted to be done with this mess so he could go back to being a jaeger pilot. He glanced at the remaining candidates, seeing their varying degrees of interest and physicality, and dismissed them as not being worthy. He stepped back, focused, and reset. “You mentioned dancing earlier?” he challenged Nicole.

She smiled and launched her attack. Time ceased to exist as they flowed through patterns of attack and defense, neither scoring a point. Nicole had fluidity and grace to her movements, which spoke of long practice with the bō; she also was equally ruthless in trying to poke holes in Chuck’s defense. Another two points, one for each side, were scored. Chuck forgot to breathe. He was focused on the rhythm, the way he could feel they were synchronizing. It seemed like they were doing a very friendly tango, set to the beat of their bō sticks. He couldn’t score a point; neither could she, and Chuck didn’t care because it _felt_ right. It felt like the way Chuck sparred against his father when neither of them was counting points or trying to win. For long moments, Chuck forgot he hadn’t slept for nearly two days, too adrenalized by this dialogue to be tired.

“Stop,” Herc called in what felt like some immeasurable time later but was in actually only twenty minutes.

Too used to listening to his father, Chuck pulled back as Nicole did the same.

“Congratulations, Ranger Hansen,” Herc said formally. “Unless you have objections, Ms. Santiago is your new co-pilot.”

Chuck glanced at her. “It would be my pleasure to your co-pilot, Ranger Hansen,” she said, extending her hand.

He shook it, wishing he didn’t feel like she wouldn’t accept a hug from a relative stranger. “Same here.”

“In that case,” Herc said, “report to Conference Room 6 in half an hour to begin your debriefing. All other candidates, thank you for your time. Please stay here for an exit briefing from HR.”

Chuck turned to Nicole. “Meet you outside of the kwoon in twenty? The conference room he’s talking about is closer to the Jaeger Bay and I’m pretty sure your access hasn’t been upgraded yet.”

She nodded gratefully. “Appreciate it.” She headed to the women’s locker room.

Chuck walked over to where his father, Mako, and Raleigh waited; Ryan had taken his cue to leave. “How’d I do?” he asked.

“Not bad,” Mako pronounced, her tone reminding him that he’d been the one to tell her that she didn’t measure up. “But now you have the rookie.”

Chuck sighed. Karma was a bitch with puppies, he was discovering. “Yes. Any hints you care to give?”

“I’m sure you’ve learned from our experience, especially since a debriefing is now required before a first Drift,” Mako said tactfully. “And now I must go back to bed. Raleigh, if you aren’t busy?” To force Mako into accepting her limitations, the ‘dome doctor had issued her one of the non-motorized wheelchairs.

“For you, rarely,” Raleigh said gallantly, earning him a fond but exasperated look from Mako for his overly dramatic reply. Grinning, he exited, pushing Mako’s chair, and leaving Chuck with his father, who handed him a water bottle.

Chuck sipped at it gratefully. “You sure you don’t want to pilot with me?”

“You know we can always use the Drift simulators if you need to talk that way, Chuck. I’m proud of you; I think you’ve chosen well.” Herc studied his son. “Go, shower; you can crash after you two have had your debriefing. I’ve you two scheduled for an initial Drift sim at 1600; that should give you enough time for a nap. Unless you want me to reschedule everything for tomorrow?

“Nah, I won’t be able to sleep if we don’t do the debriefing and the Drift today. You know how I get.”

Herc nodded once, then clasped his shoulder briefly. Chuck took it for the affection and assurance it was, and headed into the locker room to change.

He found Nicole dressed smartly in a crisp linen business suit, looking very sleek and professional. A small black-and-white striped canvas duffel bag was slung over one shoulder. Seeing his customary attire of an olive green t-shirt and khaki cargo pants, she raised an eyebrow. “I feel overdressed,” she noted.

“Don’t worry about it,” Chuck said. “This,” and he gestured to his attire, “counts as my uniform. You and I will decide what constitutes our uniform; jaeger pilots are allowed to wear what they want as long as both pilots agree to a unified look when on duty and the proper paperwork is filled out. My old man wanted to be comfortable, back when he was in Lucky Seven, and they let him carry it forward.”

“I wondered about that,” Nicole said. “I always thought the jaeger pilot uniforms were so distinctive.”

Chuck nodded as he led the way to the conference room. “So where are you from?”

“Tortola, which is one of the British Virgin Islands,” she replied smoothly. “I was born on a sailboat in the Caribbean. My mom didn’t realize she was pregnant, so I was a surprise.” Nicole smiled. “My parents run a charter boat service; I’m more comfortable at sea than I am on land. And to answer a question you haven’t asked yet, I was always under the impression you had to have the right connections to become a jaeger pilot. Plus, since the Breach was closed, I figured my chance was gone anyway. I didn’t know it was as simple as answering an ad.”

Chuck laughed. “Yeah, I can see where that might be the impression. They had so many applicants to the Jaeger Academy initially that they had a number of people that they just kept to the next year. By the time the UN decided the Wall was a better option, we were left with the really committed and the desperate.”

“So what’s involved in this debriefing?”

“A chance to get to know each other in a supervised environment before we Drift, in order to lessen the chances that we experience a random memory that could be disastrous.”

A small silence fell as they continued down the path to the conference room.

“Can I ask you something before we do this debriefing?” Nicole asked, stopping Chuck before they entered the room.

“Sure.”

“Why aren’t you and your father piloting anymore?”

“Because my dad is the marshal. Protocol says the marshal only pilots when no other pilots are available.” He pulled open the door. “As for the rest, Nicole, that’s for this room and not a public hallway.”

She eyed him a moment before nodding her acceptance and stepping into the room. A petite Vietnamese woman dressed in a white smock moved to greet them. “I’m Dr. Tran, one of the psychologists on staff. My job here is to guide you through the complicated parts. Anything you say in this room is considered strictly confidential; I will not be taking any notes or recording anything from this session. Afterward, Ranger Santiago, I will answer any questions you have. We will review the Drift session you have scheduled for this afternoon. I will then be escorting you to Security to update your access and then to your new room in the jaeger pilot apartments. Ranger Hansen, if, at any time, you feel you need to conclude this session due to your exhaustion, please speak up.”

“It’s not yet hit the forty-eight hour mark yet,” Chuck assured the psychologist. “And I haven’t been piloting a jaeger against a kaiju that just won’t die, so I think I’m good.”

Nicole looked at him anxiously as they took seats at the table. “You okay?”

“Haven’t gotten to sleep yet; been coordinating the transport of our jaeger.” Chuck waved off her protest. “My old man and I once fought a kaiju off the coast of Panama for sixteen hours; almost matched the Kaidonovskys’ record. By the time we got to bed, we’d been up for fifty hours straight, between the transit time and everything else.”

Nicole winced. “That doesn’t sound healthy.”

“It was the war,” Chuck said flatly. “Neither of us dared to go to sleep in transit because we were one of the last jaegers in service. There was always the chance the kaiju could attack while we were trying to get out there.”

Nicole blew out a breath. “And here I thought I had some kind of record for being awake for thirty-six. So what kind of stuff are we thinking is a bad thing for the Drift?”

“Traumas of all kinds,” Dr. Tran interjected. “Car accidents, death of a relative, rape, secrets you wouldn’t normally share with anyone, memories that are particularly vivid, etc. Have you been close to a kaiju?”

Nicole stared at her hands and took a deep breath. “Twice the boat I was on nearly capsized due to a passing kaiju. Never saw the motherfuckers but the tidal wave it caused….”

“Is that why you want to become a jaeger pilot?” Dr. Tran asked.

“Isn’t ‘because of the kaiju’ always the reason?” Nicole countered.

“No,” Chuck replied. “For some of the pilots, it’s because they were ordered to do so by their government.”

“And you?” Nicole asked. “All I ever heard was you did it because your father and uncle started a tradition.”

Chuck half-smiled at that. “Partly. The other reason was vengeance, but that faded once I saw that the kaiju kept coming. Now it’s because what we do needs to continue. Even if the kaiju never come back, I want to be one of the pilots who kept the world prepared.”

Nicole leaned forward. “Everyone I know thinks I’m crazy for thinking they’ll be back, but that’s the reason you built a new jaeger. You don’t think they’re going to stay away. It’s not because last year’s typhoon season was so bad, another jaeger to assist with search and rescue would be useful.”

Chuck nodded.

“I knew it,” she said, satisfied. “So what else do you need to know? I’m not allergic to anything I know of, I hate the idiots who abandon fishing nets and trawling lines, and I love peanut butter pie. I’m not a hugger, so if that’s you, I’ll apologize up front.”

Chuck chuckled at that. “I only hug people I’m really close to, so if that’s not something you’re comfortable with, I’ll respect it. Probably the first thing you should know is that I’m gay. The official version is that I publicly came out three years ago when I was dating an Australian TV actor named Tyler Ross. Officially, I spent most of the Kaiju War so focused on fighting kaiju that I didn’t have time for anything else. The truth is that my old man caught me kissing another boy when I was ten. I lost my virginity when I was twelve. I’ve always been more mature for my age. I’ve been sexually active but discreet.” Dryly, he added, “And you can’t hide your sexual activities in the Drift. I’d apologize but I’m not a prude, and I’ve had long practice ignoring what I see. Had to if I wanted to keep Drifting with my father, who grieved for my mom for a year before he decided she wouldn’t have wanted him to be a monk the rest of his life.”

Nicole blinked at that. “I’m straight. Does that change anything?”

“Only if you think it does,” Chuck said flatly. “I’ve my old man’s memories in my head, so I know what straight sex looks and feels like. If you aren’t prepared for that, then this is going to get awkward quick.”

“Well,” Nicole mused, leaning back, “at least we both like dick?”

Chuck barked a laugh at that.

She leaned in again. “So, to be fair: I lost my virginity at eighteen to a guy who wasn’t worth it. I’m twenty-seven now; just had my birthday yesterday –”

“– We’ll have to celebrate with cake –”

“Screw cake, I’d rather eat the frosting,” Nicole said with a grin. “And my last relationship broke up two months ago when he told me I was crazy for wishing I could pilot a jaeger. We were together two years.”

“We’ll have to make sure he gets a personally delivered videotape of the official PPDC announcement of your status,” Chuck said and watched his new co-pilot’s smile widen.

“Oh, that’s vicious,” she murmured. “And a complete misuse of resources.”

“Never said it wasn’t,” Chuck replied. “But I’m a Hansen. I get mad, then I get even. And if I can’t get even, I get loud and opinionated.”

“Eh, he’ll see it regardless; he’s a news junkie,” Nicole said dismissively. “So major traumas: one, having to live on land the last decade so I could work as a waitress. Two, having to learn how to wield a bō from this crazy old woman who looked and acted like a refugee from a cheesy action film. She claimed to have been a stuntwoman when she was in her twenties.”

“Anything else?” Dr. Tran prompted, and the hour and a half they had been allotted for the debriefing flew by quickly as Nicole and Chuck continued to get to know each other. By the end of it, Chuck felt that they had a good shot of getting through their first Drift with only minor hiccups at best. He knew, too, that Nicole would be spending at least another hour with the psychologist, just to make sure she understood what the Drift was and what she and Chuck would be doing later that day.

He fell into bed, set his alarm, and slept through lunch. The chime of his alarm woke him, and he again reached for a protein bar, swearing that he was going to have a proper meal for dinner.

Drifting with Nicole turned out to be harder than he’d expected. She was nervous and trying not to think of anything, which was a recipe for trouble.

“Easy, Nicole, just let the memories flow,” Chuck assured her. “Don’t focus on any one thing; don’t chase the RABITs – random access brain input triggers. I’m not going to judge you. Okay, so maybe a little, but that’s because I’m sometimes that kind of asshole.”

That made Nicole laugh. “Sometimes?” she teased. “And here I thought you were always an asshole. I watched you this morning remember? You were judging everybody.”

Chuck grinned. “Wasn’t I supposed to? Now just breathe. Close your eyes if you think it’ll help; we’ll work on keeping your eyes open later. We’re just saying hello, mind to mind. I’ve got your hand; come take a walk with me.”

He reached across and took her right hand, grateful that they were just in the simulator and didn’t have the distance of a conn-pod between them. For this exercise, they were seated in chairs with monitoring wires attached to their bodies; the helmets they wore were the same as what they’d usually wear, with special adapters to accommodate the simulator.

Nicole gripped his hand briefly, then took another breath and closed her eyes. The world dissolved into the blue of the Drift.

Deliberately, Chuck thought of the beach park he used to love to play in as a kid before kaiju was a standard part of his vocabulary. This had always been a safe place for him to meet his father in the Drift; he saw instantly Nicole thought it was lovely, too. He offered her the football he had brought with him, but she shook her head, drawing a hopscotch grid instead in the sand with her hand and offering him the chance to go first. Grinning, he took up the challenge, aware that this was just a construct to help them negotiate the Drift.

The hopscotch grid dissolved. Chuck saw her unconventional childhood as the beloved child of sailors who’d eschewed land for a life at sea. The Kaiju War and two close calls with kaiju-induced waves took its toll on their livelihood and their psyches. Nicole had hated being a waitress, but she had been good at it, and jobs were hard to come by on an island that had depended primarily on tourism. She was fiercely loyal, a careful gambler, and thoroughly committed to being the best jaeger pilot she could be.

She in turn saw him fighting alongside his father, fiercely proud and completely unable to talk about anything not work-related outside of it because they were two halves of the same coin. She saw his panic and terror during Operation Pitfall. She felt his sense that he was abandoning his co-pilot, his best friend’s father, one of the best pilots who ever lived, even if Stacker had wanted him to live. Nicole saw the way Chuck still tried to honor that sacrifice. She saw his love for Raleigh, his going to see Raleigh to declare his feelings, only to swallow the words unsaid when the other man announced he was leaving with his boyfriend of two months.

Together, they saw everything they’d been, everything they were, and everything they wanted to be.

When they had pulled off the Drift helmets and were alone in the simulation room save for the cameras, Nicole looked at Chuck. “Does he know how you feel?”

“Not yet. Please don’t tell him,” Chuck said, meeting her eyes, knowing exactly whom she meant.

“I won’t,” she promised, then frowned. “Okay, that’s weird. I feel like I’m still connected to you. Is that normal?”

“Ghost Drift, and it does wear off a bit. If we wind up piloting as long as my old man and I did, it’ll be permanent in some ways.”

“Like what ways?”

“I know what my dad feels without having to be in the same room. If I focus, I can block him, but most days I don’t bother unless I know he’s out on a date.”

Nicole nodded. “So it’s not telepathy.”

“Not usually, no. If I ever creep you out by showing up and asking you if you’re okay, let me know.”

“Noted.” Nicole paused as the techs came into the room to disconnect them from the rest of the gear they were wearing. “And Chuck?”

“Yeah?”

“You need a dog. Can’t have a jaeger without a mascot,” she said lightly.

“And here I thought we could get by with some other, less polarizing logo,” Chuck joked, remembering how controversial having a dog with a bomb in its mouth had been for some people.

“Eh, they don’t appreciate good art and tradition,” Nicole said, silently thanking the tech who disconnected the body monitoring wires. “I vote for something completely offensive, say something that looks accidentally like a dick?”

Chuck sputtered and took a second look at his new co-pilot, who grinned mischievously. “And here I thought Raleigh would find me someone who wouldn’t get me into trouble.”

“Oh, I can’t promise you I won’t,” Nicole replied, waiting for the tech to finish attending to Chuck. “But I can promise you that I’ll do my best to bail you out if and when it happens. I do try to keep it to things that are mostly harmless, if that makes a difference?”

“It does,” he said, nodding his thanks to the tech. “Meet you in the mess hall for dinner, unless you need help getting to your new room?”

“No, I need to learn where things are,” Nicole said. “And Dr. Tran took me to Security to update my access, so my badge works for everywhere I need to be. I need to pick up my dog tags anyway; they should be ready by now. Please tell me the mess hall food is actually decent?”

“Decent enough,” Chuck told her. “Won’t be winning any fancy awards anytime soon, but I’ve made worse trying to learn how to cook.”

“Got it,” Nicole said. “See you in the mess hall.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chuck found Raleigh on the observation deck overlooking the assembly of the newest jaeger. “Missed you at dinner,” he greeted.

Raleigh turned at the sound of his voice. “Ate with Mako.”

Chuck studied the other man a moment. “Has she asked you to be her birth coach?”

Raleigh laughed softly. “I said yes. You squeamish, Chuck?”

“Just don’t need to see that live and involving my best mate; video of it was bad enough for school. Might turn me off women forever.”

Raleigh laughed again. “As if you were attracted to women.”

“My old man is,” Chuck pointed out. “You know how the Drift changes you.”

Turning away from the sight of the jaeger under assembly to face Chuck, Raleigh spoke. “Even as long as you and your father piloted together, I doubt the Drift changed your orientation so much that you’d consider a woman as a sexual partner. Even if she were into pegging.”

“I hadn’t considered that as an option,” he mused, grinning. “But you’re right. The Drift’s usually subtler than that, like craving that crap you call American beer.” He looked at Raleigh. “But I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Something on your mind, mate?”

“You told me once you liked your life,” Raleigh said. “Did you think you’d just keep fighting until you died in your jaeger?”

“Wasn’t planning on dying, mate. Not until we were out of options, and even then, I was sure Stacker had a plan. Just wasn’t expecting him to take the one he did.”

Raleigh let out a slow breath. “I was pretty sure the only reason Marshal Pentecost found me was because it was a one-way trip and nobody would miss me. Didn’t want my co-pilot to die, especially once I knew it was Mako and we were kicking ass.”

“And now?” Chuck almost held his breath but knew he had to keep breathing. He didn’t want to think that Raleigh was inclined to give up, not now, not after everything, but he knew, too, that PTSD had a depressive component.

“I was out there, in places where the kaiju were just someone else’s news, someone else’s war. I thought…well, maybe it was stupid, but after that victory tour, all that publicity about what we’d done? I thought I couldn’t disappear anymore. Turns out there are places still where I could.”

“And you wanted to,” Chuck realized abruptly. Raleigh had handled the questions about his ability to pilot solo twice with rough grace, especially all the medical follow-ups; escaping that pressure must have looked like heaven.

“I thought I did,” Raleigh admitted. “And the crazy thing is: I missed this. I missed standing next to a jaeger, even if I never can pilot one again without risking my mental health. Hell, I’m even looking forward to meeting with PR tomorrow to discuss the press release for Nicole.” He met Chuck’s eyes. “Every one of those candidates we dismissed this week thought they had that magic quality to be your co-pilot. You said to me the other day you wished I could co-pilot with you. Until Nicole came up, there was a part of me that was wondering if I’d subconsciously stacked the deck so I could.”

“You don’t play games like that, Raleigh,” Chuck said confidently.

“No, but Yancy did,” Raleigh admitted. “Maybe that’s why I saved Nicole to be among the last candidates. I was rooting for her or the guy from Peru.”

Chuck studied the older man a moment. “Was he the one with the overly waxed mustache?”

Raleigh smiled briefly. “Yeah.”

“Then I’m glad he didn’t make the cut. That made him look like Mario from that old video game, and he would’ve had to give it up on the days we piloted a jaeger because it would interfere with the relay gel.” Wanting to pull Raleigh out of the pensive mood he seemed to be in, Chuck offered, “Speaking of, want to see if you can beat me? We got a bunch of new games and two new systems. Ethan happened to mention that we were playing on this old Xbox in an interview a few months ago, and two game console makers sent us their newest systems as gifts.”

Raleigh shook his head. “If I play too long, I’ll give myself a migraine,” he warned. “But if you’re up for a fight, I could use the workout.”

Chuck accepted the compromise readily. “Meet you in the kwoon in fifteen?”

Raleigh nodded.

In Chuck’s mind, sparring against Raleigh always felt like he was sparring against two people, not just one. Raleigh was an instinctive fighter, which meant he often used Mako’s lower-center-of-gravity-based moves just as often as he did his own. Chuck wasn’t about to admit he’d gone looking in the video archives for footage of the Beckets sparring with each other. He had been trying to find clues to Raleigh’s style. A combination of the Academy’s mixed-martial arts approach to bō fighting and a brawler’s style, it was closer to Herc’s at its core. Chuck had learned he couldn’t win against Raleigh if he gave him the slightest edge, but that he could at least lose respectably.

“How long do you want to do this? Four points or the first one to seven?” Chuck asked as they stepped up to the mat.

“Seven, since you still think it’s lucky,” Raleigh said lightly.

“That’s my old man, not me,” Chuck said, recognizing the jibe for what it was. “But since you haven’t fought since you were last in a ‘dome, we’ll do seven.”

Raleigh snorted. “Isn’t assuming that I’m a has-been what got you into trouble last time?” he asked, and waited for Chuck’s attack, which he blocked.

“Just fight, will you?” Chuck shot back, and let himself fall into the dialogue. He knew this wasn’t about who won or lost; this was Raleigh’s way of making sure Chuck knew Raleigh still considered himself to be a jaeger pilot, capable of doing that job and then some. It was also, Chuck suspected, Raleigh’s way of making sure Chuck had chosen the _right_ co-pilot, and not just picked someone to end the process. Indeed, Raleigh deliberately mimicked one of Nicole’s moves to try and confuse Chuck – and it threw Chuck enough that Raleigh scored a point.

“Thought you were paying attention in class,” Raleigh taunted.

Chuck rolled his eyes and tried one of Raleigh’s moves; much to his surprise, he managed to score a point. “See, teach?” he shot back.

“Ah, but,” Raleigh moved, a blur of motion, dodging and weaving until he was where Chuck wasn’t expecting, “I still think you need more work.”

Laughing, Chuck replied, “Never said I didn’t, but I think I’ve gotten better since you left. Notice how much more I’m talking now?”

Something unreadable flashed across Raleigh’s expression at that comment as if he hadn’t quite grasped just how much more Chuck was communicating. “Oh, is that what you’re calling it?” Raleigh said lightly. “And here I thought you were just making noise.”

That got under Chuck’s skin, as it was meant to do, and he charged, his bō resounding against Raleigh’s in a solid hit. For the second time that day, Chuck relished the sheer joy of being able to fight against someone who knew what they were doing. Raleigh kept up the teasing banter, which Chuck returned in equal measure. More than the last few weeks, it felt as though they were _reconnecting_. It was as if both of them needed this to know just where they stood as friends, as jaeger pilots with different statuses, and as people. Chuck’s energy was flagging, though; it had been a very long day on top of a mostly sleepless weekend, and Chuck wasn’t at his best. The match ended with Raleigh edging Chuck out by three points.

“Still got it,” Raleigh said smugly as he shook hands with Chuck.

Chuck gave him a look that said he was plainly out of his mind if he thought Chuck was going to settle for a simple handshake, and pulled Raleigh into a hug. It was a shameless bid to feel the other man close in his arms, but Chuck wasn’t above subterfuge.

“Never had a shadow of a doubt,” Chuck assured him, patting his back. A glance at his watch told him they had been fighting for almost an hour.

Pulling his focus away from the other man, Chuck saw Nicole in the room with them.

“So what did you think?” he asked his new co-pilot.

“Think you need to get some sleep,” she said quietly. “But I get why the kaiju never stood a chance against you two, considering you represent half of that successful equation….” She let her voice trail off.

Raleigh smiled at that. “Applied ruthlessness has its uses. Is there something you needed from me?”

Nicole shook her head. “Just came to make sure my new co-pilot didn’t try for the record for hours awake.”

“Something wrong with that?” Chuck challenged her.

“Yeah,” Nicole said. “I can still feel how tired you are.”

Chuck’s eyes widened; he hadn’t realized how deeply he had bonded with Nicole, then realized why. It was second nature for him to reach down in the Drift to grab a hold of his father. Herc had learned to shield some of his thoughts, a legacy of having Drifted with multiple partners, and, as a result, it generally took them longer to connect. He turned to Raleigh to tell him goodnight, only to see that he’d departed the room. Wishing he wasn’t as tired as he felt, feeling like he had missed something important in his and Raleigh’s dialogue-with-sticks, Chuck reluctantly heeded Nicole’s urging and went to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Chuck had always prided himself on knowing his priorities; it was natural that he focused on his work first, the rest of his life second. Half his day was now split between training with Nicole. The other half was spent making sure the final assembly of the new jaeger completed as scheduled. Nicole’s other half of her day was split between media training and jaeger mechanics from a pilot’s viewpoint. It was an intense program, and by the end of the second week, Chuck was sure of three things. One, he didn’t want Mako’s job. Two, Raleigh was far more demanding as an instructor than Chuck had initially thought he’d be. Three, Nicole rose to the challenge better than Chuck had dared to hope.

After much internal debate between the jaeger pilots, LOCCENT, and the other PPDC senior staff over what to name the jaeger, Herc had decreed that everyone put a name in a hat. The winner would be drawn at the end of Nicole’s second week. Much to Mako’s pleasure, Dragon Omega won, although ‘Mariner Fury’, suggested by Nicole, came in a close second.

Chuck whistled softly as he got his first look at his co-pilot as she stepped out of the conference room on Friday afternoon after her first media training session. It was the first time he had seen her without her usual crown of braids; her hair fell to mid-butt. “Damn, Nic, that’s a lot of hair. Have you thought about how you’re going to wear it with the helmet?”

“Probably just in a straight braid. Mako said the relay gel needs to flow through your scalp with the least amount of resistance so my usual crown won’t work.” Nicole wrinkled her nose as she slid the tablet and notepad she’d been using into the small tote she’d taken to carrying. “I really don’t want to cut it.”

“Then don’t,” Chuck told her. “We’ll have to check to see that the spine insert doesn’t get caught in your hair, but that’s the only problem I can think of. You headed to dinner?”

Nicole nodded and fell into step beside him, slinging the tote bag over one shoulder. “How goes the jaeger assembly?”

“Now that it’s in our hands, we control the schedule, not some idiot factory rep trying to make a buck,” Chuck said. “But it’s gonna be all hands on deck to get it ready for launch in six weeks. Makes me realize just how much of a scramble the techs had to get Striker and Gipsy patched up and watertight in twelve hours for Pitfall.” He smiled ruefully. “Unfortunately, that means I can’t use that as a way to motivate them.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I know what systems they chose not to repair in order to prioritize the mission,” Chuck replied. “Like they disabled Striker’s chest cannons because they didn’t have time to fix the circuit board for it.”

Nicole’s eyes widened. “I thought you couldn’t fire those underwater.”

“Not according to the official specifications,” Chuck replied. “But all of the Mark-2 and later jaegers have to be capable of swimming underwater. They figured out that not of them should be built like tanks because that meant they had to wait until the kaiju was near the shore to use them. Romeo Blue was a tank; that’s why it had Gatling guns for its long-range weapon. But that also meant it couldn’t swim without losing that capability. Striker was supposed to be built based on what we’d learned.”

“But it was made by committee and compromise,” Nicole surmised.

Chuck nodded. “So, being that I’ve been around jaegers since I was thirteen, and knew a very handy jaeger engineer in Mako, we figured out a way to rig Striker so she could fire underwater. Mind you, we had limits, but it relied on a particular circuit board not getting fried. The EMP knocked out that capacity, which meant the techs had a choice: repair that non-spec capability or use the replacement circuit board for something more essential.”

Nicole frowned. “I don’t like the sound of that, but I’m not going to start questioning something that happened, even if I don’t like what it took to get there. So we start Drift sims in a week?”

Chuck nodded. “If it were up to me, we’d be doing it already. I need to make sure they attach the top third of the jaeger before I feel ready to turn it over to Dan,” he said, referring to the second-in-command of the Jaeger engineering department. “I’d feel a hell of a lot better going in without that hanging over my head. Then it’s just loading weapons, final paint and cosmetics, and conn-pod customization – making sure that we can reach the controls, that sort of thing.”

Nicole acknowledged that with a nod. “I feel like my head’s spinning already, especially after that media session. How rude do the interviewers get?”

“Ah, you got the ‘nosy reporter’ briefing off the bat?”

“Yes,” Nicole said, irked. “Some of the questions were about things I could care less about. Am I supposed to know you saw the moment of your conception in the Drift?”

Chuck laughed. “Not unless you knew to look for it, no. But yes, I have. For some reason, the civilians think it’s gross that I know my father had sex because I’m his son and sex is icky and shouldn’t be discussed with children.”

Nicole blew out a breath as they rounded a corner. “Well, at least PR and I got to a place where we know what my story is.”

Chuck shot her an inquiring look.

“The truth,” Nicole said. “I’ve nothing to hide, no skeletons I know of, and I’m proud to have been a sailor. Now I’m a jaeger cadet.”

“No, you’re a jaeger pilot,” Chuck corrected her. “Nobody is taking you away from me now that you’re my co-pilot.”

“Possessive much?” Raleigh joked, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. Nicole jerked in surprise; Chuck managed, barely, to control his flinch.

“You practicing your ninja skills again, Raleigh?” Chuck asked.

“Of course,” Raleigh returned mildly. “Have to check on your reflexes somehow. Besides, people get annoyed if you walk like you’re a human-sized jaeger.” He smiled and changed the subject. “If I were you, I’d avoid the mess hall. Cooks burnt something and it’s making everything smell awful.”

They turned the corner towards the mess hall and stopped short as the lingering smell of burnt food reached them.

“In that case,” Chuck decided, “who wants to go out? I’ll drive.”

“Was coming to find you,” Raleigh said. “Lady’s pick.”

“As long it’s not the teriyaki place up the road,” Nicole countered.

Raleigh looked at Chuck. “Is that hole-in-the-wall Cuban place still around?”

“Oh yeah,” Chuck said and led the way to the motor pool. In deference to the rain and Nicole’s unfamiliarity with riding on a motorcycle as a passenger, as well as a lack of suitable gear, Chuck used his truck to ferry everyone. Nicole wound up in the middle, between Chuck and Raleigh.

“I can see I’m going to want my driver’s license,” Nicole laughed as she put on her seatbelt.

“I’m going tomorrow to get mine,” Raleigh offered. “Want to come with?”

“Yes, thank you, that would be good.”

“Need a driver?” Chuck asked.

“Already made arrangements with Ethan,” Raleigh said easily, and Chuck tried to hide his disappointment.

Much to Chuck’s surprise, dinner turned out to be a friendly, easy affair, without any tension or drama though both Raleigh and Nicole gave him odd looks at different points. It finally dawned on him that Raleigh was using the meal to get to know Nicole outside of the ‘dome and that Nicole was handling his inquiries just fine. Afterward, Raleigh declined the offer to share beer with them in Nicole’s quarters and promised to meet them at breakfast at Herc’s.

Nicole turned to Chuck as soon as the door shut behind Raleigh. “What the hell was that about?”

“What do you mean?” Chuck looked at her, puzzled.

“You acted as though you thought Raleigh was flirting with me.”

Chuck blinked. “Um, maybe? I wasn’t sure what he was doing.”

Nicole stared at Chuck. “You’re missing it entirely, aren’t you?”

“Missing what?”

“He’s not broken, Chuck. He said as much when he fought with you two weeks ago. And I’m perfectly capable of deciding if I can’t handle someone’s flirting.”

Startled by her annoyance, Chuck blinked. “I, uh, I didn’t –”

“Think, I could tell,” she said and handed him a bottle of beer out of her fridge. “But you’re acting like you never learned to share. From the way he’s been getting on your case when you and I train with him, he has high expectations that you’re not making. Keep up what you’re doing now and you’re never going to impress him. He’ll be your friend but not your lover. All you’ve managed to do is make it clear you think I need protection.”

Needing something to wash down the taste of embarrassment, Chuck took a swig of beer and sat down on one end of the couch. “Got any suggestions? Mako thinks I should just tell him and let him decide.”

“He won’t believe you. Why should he? He doesn’t have any evidence to support what you’re going to say. You haven’t tried to get him alone, have you?”

“No. Wasn’t sure if…” Chuck kicked himself. “Aw, fuck. Why am I not treating him like a guy I want to date? It’s not like I don’t know how.”

“Because you’re making assumptions about how ready he is?” Nicole sipped her beer as she took a seat on the couch. “Because it usually takes someone kicking your ass to see differently? I don’t know. I’m pretty sure you’ll pay me back for this at some point, either way. I don’t recommend you run after him now, either.”

Chuck blew out a breath. “Because I’d look even more like a drongo?”

“That, and I’d rather you didn’t waste my beer.”

Chuck laughed ruefully and made a note to figure out what his strategy was regarding Raleigh. If he wasn’t more careful, he was going to screw up big time. He could already tell that his new co-pilot wasn’t going to cut him much slack if he continued doing what he was doing. Time, he thought, for a different plan.


	10. Chapter 10

As much as he wanted to woo Raleigh, however, the pressure to juggle two jobs and execute them both well meant that Chuck ran out of time for much else. Before Chuck had quite realized it, time had flown by; it would be another three weeks before Dragon Omega was ready for its first mission. Chuck thought it was fitting that they were launching his new jaeger the week of his birthday and suspected his father had set that date deliberately.

Chuck was standing on the observation deck overlooking Dragon Omega when he heard the sound of footsteps on the steel deck. Turning, he saw Nicole, wearing what had become her usual day-off outfit of jeans, a fashionable top, and boat shoes without socks, approach him. “She’s looking good, isn’t she?” Nicole asked.

Dragon Omega had been built on a brawler’s frame and designed to be a cross between the most successful jaegers, with an eye towards what kind of kaiju it might face next. Its systems had been redesigned to balance peacetime requirements for cutting and hauling while still keeping what had worked against the kaiju, with room for future weapons upgrades. The conn-pod had been relocated to mid-body; a dual power system had been installed along with EMP shielding. Blue camouflage paint made it almost disappear in the water. It was the first generation Mark-6 jaeger.

“Won’t win any beauty contests for prettiest jaeger,” Chuck commented. “But I like. You?”

Nicole shrugged. “I’m more interested in how she handles out in a storm.”

Chuck laughed. “Spoken like a sailor.”

Nicole grinned. “It’s what I was.” She was quiet a moment. “I’m a little nervous about Monday’s interviews. Never been on TV before, and this is the big one for the launch.”

“You’ll be okay. You’re the elegant, sophisticated one.”

Nicole laughed. “Only because you have no sense of fashion,” she replied. “Only reason I agreed to shorts as part of our uniform is because your father is right: they’re a hell of a lot more comfortable than a full uniform.” She studied him. “What are you worried about? Can’t be the interviews; you’ve done a million of them.”

Chuck blew out a breath. “No, it’s not the interviews. I…” He looked at the jaeger, then Nicole. “I told Raleigh once I liked my life as a jaeger pilot. It just hit me now that I’ve defined myself as a _former_ jaeger pilot for the past six years. I guess I figured if I’d be climbing into jaeger again, it’d be with my old man.”

“But here I thought you liked me,” Nicole teased.

“I do, Nic,” Chuck said earnestly. “It’s just different now, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Especially not Raleigh; he’s got as much to prove as I do.”

Nicole eyed Chuck. “Uh huh. You talked to him yet about how you feel?”

Chuck shrugged ruefully and gestured to the jaeger. “When was I supposed to find the time? Steal it from making sure you’re a better co-pilot? Doesn’t seem right. Or take it from when I’m pushing the techs to make the schedule and pitching in to make sure they do?”

Nicole shook her head. “If you have time to stand here and contemplate, you have time to –”

What she was going to say was cut off by the sudden blaring of an alarm.

Chuck’s heart leaped into his throat, instinctively thinking the alarm was for kaiju. It took him a moment to realize the alarm tone was a three-tone burst, unlike the sustained buzzer of a kaiju alert.

“Code blue protocol initiated,” the ‘dome’s AI intoned, and then repeated the language in Mandarin and Russian. “Please clear all exit doors and the elevator. Code Blue protocol initiated,” it said, repeating it a third time.

“Code blue?” Nicole asked, looking at Chuck.

“Medical emergency. My guess is Mako’s having her baby early. Come on, we’ll take the stairs; they’re headed for the flight deck. Be faster to get her on a medevac helicopter and have her transported over to Memorial instead of in an ambulance.”

“Where are we going?” Nicole demanded.

“To get geared up. You want to be there, right?”

Nicole laughed. “It’s not my baby,” she pointed out, “and Mako’s not my relative, so I don’t see where’s our hurry. Why don’t we just wait for news? The baby might not be available for us to view right away, especially if it’s premature. It’s not your baby, is it?”

“No, but –” Chuck started just as his phone started ringing. It was his father; Chuck switched it to the speaker so Nicole could hear.

“Stay put,” Herc advised. “Raleigh and I are going to be on the jumphawk; we’re headed to Memorial and we’ll keep you posted.”

“How’s Mako?”

“Her water broke and contractions have started,” Herc said.

In the background, Chuck could hear Raleigh coaching Mako to breathe as someone else warned that they needed to transfer her.

“Understood,” Chuck said and wasn’t surprised when his father immediately disconnected.

“I thought Mako wasn’t due until next month,” Nicole said, frowning.

“Which is why they’re taking her to Memorial now since the ‘dome’s ICU isn’t equipped for this sort of thing,” Chuck replied. Certain the other pilots would want to know what was going on and just as sure who their ringleader was, Chuck dialed Ethan’s number, sending the call to video so he could see where they were.

“What’s the word?” Ethan asked. From the background and the sound of Lili and Ayuta swearing in two languages in response to some video game, Chuck surmised that Ethan and the other pilots were in the game room.

Chuck relayed the information he had been given.

“Thanks. Let me know if anything changes and I’ll pass it on. We’re on standby so none of us are going anywhere. Meteorological data’s saying Indonesia is due for a typhoon either tonight or tomorrow morning.”

Chuck swore; he had forgotten they were still on alert. Herc had rehired the deputy marshal and the operations manager of the Sydney Shatterdome once they’d relocated, easing some of the administrative burdens on the remaining pilots. However, Chuck was currently the most senior jaeger pilot unless his father had opted to stay behind, and he couldn’t see that happening. Chuck knew his father had fielded many a parental question from Stacker, and considered Mako to be the closest thing he had to a daughter, a sentiment Mako returned.

“Problem?” Ethan asked.

“No, just…Mako’s my best friend. I should be there.”

“You have the perfect excuse: your jaeger isn’t done yet,” Ethan pointed out. “Not like you have much to do when we’re out there.”

“Bite your tongue,” Chuck shot back. “Someone has to represent you guys to the politicians.”

“Last time you did that, we all got yelled at for letting you,” Ethan noted.

“Got my point across, didn’t it?” Chuck didn’t wait for a response, choosing to end the call instead.

“Look, if you want to go, I’ll cover for you,” Nicole offered.

Chuck shook his head. “Story of my life: work comes first.”

Nicole looked at him. “Work always will, if you let it. Does that mean I’m stuck too?”

“No, you get a pass since you’re new,” Chuck told her.

She offered him an understanding smile. “In that case, I’ll go and get a gift for Mako and the baby. That way, you don’t show up empty-handed when you do get to go see them.”

“You don’t have to,” Chuck began, but she waved him off.

“I do, actually. You’d feel awkward showing up with whatever crap you managed to scrounge from the hospital gift shop. Do you really want her to think you didn’t put some thought into it? You and she might’ve grown up in a Shatterdome, but you both prove that it doesn’t mean you don’t still care about stuff like that.”

Chuck laughed ruefully. “Good point.”

Nicole touched his shoulder, her equivalent of a hug, and then left.

* * *

Mako’s daughter was born at 0645 the next morning, just as Chrome Brutus and Echo Saber were launched to help the Indonesian and Papua New Guinean governments with the incoming typhoon. Jaegers couldn’t stop a typhoon, but they could locate ships in harm’s way and relocate them. In addition, jaegers could relay information about the typhoon’s path in real time, something that was difficult to do otherwise.

Deputy Marshal Gonzales, aware of Chuck’s friendship with Mako, shooed him out of LOCCENT when Herc relayed the news shortly after the delivery. “You know you’re no diplomat,” the deputy marshal said firmly. “Go enjoy one of the reasons we’re still doing this. We’ve your father on speed dial if we want people’s feathers ruffled correctly. You, we save for when we want them to be mad as hell.”

Chuck half-laughed at that; he knew his father’s promotion to marshal hadn’t blunted his capacity for candid observation. Somewhere along the way, Herc had also learned the art of the sarcastic compliment, timed and given just so. Chuck had yet to manage that one, even after the years spent sharing brain space with his father.“I’ll have my phone with me, sir,” Chuck told the deputy marshal.

“Go on, get out of here; you’re hovering and you know I don’t like it when you do. Tell your father that he needs to come home and get some sleep.”

“Thank you, sir.” Moving quickly, Chuck headed to his quarters to pick up the small gift package of baby clothes, a stuffed toy duck, and a receiving blanket Nicole had purchased at a local baby boutique. After a moment’s hesitation, he put away his motorcycle gear and grabbed his truck keys. He then went across the hall to Nicole’s apartment and knocked on her door.

“Baby time?” she asked groggily as she opened the door. Chuck wasn’t surprised to find his co-pilot had been asleep; she had made it clear that unless she was ordered to be on duty on a Sunday, she would be sleeping in.

“Yeah,” Chuck said, noting that she wore a mid-thigh-length nightgown that looked like it had been washed numerous times – completely at odds with her usual composed, fashionable, and polished look. Chuck tucked his smile away, suspecting she wouldn’t appreciate his humor at the way she was dressed. “You want to come along?”

“No, you go. I’ll say hello when they come home.”

Chuck studied his co-pilot a moment. “You sure?”

“I’m good.” Nicole yawned. “You can tell me all about it this afternoon when we spar.”

Accepting the compromise, Chuck headed out. The ride to Memorial Hospital took him forty minutes in light traffic. Halfway there, his father called him, saying that he was headed back.

“I’m halfway there,” Chuck said. “Want me to pick you up?”

“No, you keep on going; Security’s driving me back. If I don’t find a bed soon, I’m going to fall over. See if you can convince Raleigh to go home? Mako’s not going to be released until tomorrow at the earliest; the doctor wants to make sure she’s recovered from the delivery before she’ll release her.”

“Understood,” Chuck said.

After parking his truck, Chuck stopped by the hospital information desk for directions. The staffer on duty did her best to be professional, but he could tell she desperately wanted to ask for his autograph. Chuck didn’t indulge her and headed up to the maternity ward. He found Raleigh parked in a chair beside Mako’s bed; she was asleep, and so was he.

Amused for the second time that morning, Chuck set his gift bag down on the rolling tray next to Mako’s bed. As if sensing Chuck’s presence, Raleigh jerked awake.

“Didn’t mean to startle you, mate,” Chuck said quietly, mindful that the room also contained a sleeping baby in a rolling hospital crib.

“Nah, I should probably get some sleep in a real bed,” Raleigh said, rising to his feet. “Mako wanted me to go with Herc, but I must’ve slept through his leaving.”

“Baby’s not in pediatric ICU?”

Raleigh shook his head. “Doc here said the baby’s too big and healthy to be premature, so she thinks maybe the calculations were a week or two off.”

“I thought Mako looked a little too big for only eight months,” Chuck remarked. “Didn’t think she had appreciate it if I told her that, though.”

Raleigh chuckled. “Yeah, she’s been sensitive about how she looks.Since she’s only been able to go so far of out her room, every time people do see her, it’s been a big change. She’s looking forward to coming home. Come on, we’d be better go before we wake them both up.”

“Mako told me she’s forgoing the traditional naming ceremony and some of the other Japanese traditions,” Chuck remarked as they headed down the hall and into the elevator.

Raleigh nodded. “She wants people to be able to call the baby something other than aka-chan. She’s picked Sakiko for the baby’s name. The official announcement won’t go out for a week, though, so when you do the press tomorrow, you’ll have to play dumb.”

“Not a problem,” Chuck said. “I was planning on saying that Mako would prefer to make that announcement herself, knowing what I know about Japanese traditions. So who’s gonna bring them back to the ‘dome?”

“Security wants to make sure they get shepherded home, so they’re already on it. Figured we could do what we can to make sure Mako’s room is ready, kind of a welcome home party, but on the lower-key side. Not sure if Mako would appreciate a full surprise party.”

“Not sure if anyone will be in the mood to put one on,” Chuck said. “Typhoon’s got both jaegers busy; don’t expect them to be home for several hours yet.”

“I told Mako that her baby wanted to see the action. She wasn’t too amused at that.”

“Like anyone expected anything else? Baby’s heard all this talk of jaegers the entire time. She’s either going to be like her mom or go running in the opposite direction.”

“Just as long as she hasn’t inherited much from her father, I think we’ll be all right,” Raleigh said darkly. He then shook himself. “I shouldn’t think like that.”

“Why not? Not like it’s anything I haven’t thought,” Chuck pointed out as they made their way to his truck. “I should’ve kicked his ass instead of yelling at him.” He paused as he realized this had been the longest he and Raleigh had talked about something other than work and stopped short of pulling open the driver’s side door of his truck. “And why haven’t I kicked your ex’s ass yet?”

“Because you’d have to find him first?” Raleigh pointed out. “And really, he’s not worth your time?”

Chuck frowned but got into his truck. “You, uh, over him?”

“Nine months and counting, Chuck.” An amused smile tugged at Raleigh’s lips. “Now why don’t you start the truck and take us home?”

Chuck did, turning on the music player to cover his own sudden lack of conversational topics. By the time he pulled into his designated space in the motor pool, he knew what he was going to say. “You’ve been deliberately avoiding being alone with me. Why?”

Raleigh looked at him. “You really want to know this now?”

“Yeah.”

Raleigh leaned over and kissed him.

Startled, Chuck didn’t respond at first, then his brain caught up to what was happening and he started kissing Raleigh back. Just as their kissing became heated, Raleigh abruptly pulled back, exited the truck, and slammed the door shut.

“Raleigh, wait!” Chuck ran after him, catching up to him just short of the entrance to the ‘dome.

“Not now, Chuck,” was the growled response. “Not when this has ‘bad decision’ written all over it.”

“What makes you think it is?”

“Because I’m exhausted, that’s why. I make epically bad decisions when I’m this tired, like thinking kissing you once is going to stop me from wondering… never mind, it’s not a good idea like I said. Now leave me the fuck alone before we both regret this.” Not bothering to wait for a reply, Raleigh opened the ‘dome’s door and walked away, leaving behind a stunned and sputtering Chuck.


	11. Chapter 11

Raleigh knew he was being difficult at best, an asshole at worst. He just didn’t want to be this vulnerable with someone who could make his life difficult if things didn’t go well. He wasn’t surprised when Chuck caught up to him just as he unlocked his door and then refused to leave.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Chuck demanded.

Raleigh sat down on his couch and undid the laces of his boots, pulling his boots off and setting them aside with exaggerated care. “Thought I told you.”

“Yeah, and that’s a load of bullshit,” Chuck said. “What makes you think kissing me would be a mistake?”

Tired and angry that Chuck wouldn’t just let the subject drop, Raleigh surged to his feet. “Because you think fucking is just fun. You’re not looking for anything permanent. Your first priority won’t ever be another person – it’ll be a jaeger. And you…you think I’m so fucked in the head that I can’t protect myself. I don’t want a lover who doesn’t respect me.”

“And you think I don’t respect you?” Chuck looked insulted.

Raleigh glared at him. “Not outside of a conn-pod, no.”

“You’re wrong,” Chuck snapped.

Raleigh rubbed a hand across his face, confident that the other man wouldn’t let this go until he was satisfied with an answer. “Fine. Then let’s get this over with.”

Chuck eyed him, puzzled. “Get what over with?”

“Fucking,” Raleigh said bluntly. “That’s what you want, right?”

“Damn it, Raleigh, not like this! Not when you think I don’t respect you! That’ll only make it worse!”

“See? This is why I didn’t want to discuss this now,” Raleigh shot back.

Chuck studied him a moment before he sighed heavily. “Can we agree to talk about it later?” he bargained. “Because I thought we were friends and I know we’re both prone to saying shit we might regret later if we wind each other up.”

Raleigh closed his eyes briefly, feeling the weariness seeping through his bones. Mako had been in labor for hours; coaching her, trying to keep her focused and breathing, had made him flash back to when they had been in Gipsy together. Chuck was right: they were friends, which was something Raleigh had fought to have when Chuck had wanted to push everyone else away. Was he unfair, just because he wanted more than just a kiss and didn’t think Chuck was capable of giving it?

“Hey,” Chuck said gently, stepping closer, his hands coming up to grasp Raleigh’s shoulders. “No pressure, yeah? Look, I know I’m a pushy bastard and you just helped Mako birth a baby. Come on, let’s get you in bed; you look ready to fall over.”

The unexpected kindness made Raleigh shudder, but he let Chuck guide him to his bed. He stopped short of letting Chuck undress him, figuring that was one line too close to a long-held fantasy. Shucking his clothes and climbing under the covers of his bed, Raleigh waited until Chuck had left before letting sleep overtake him.

Six hours later, Raleigh awoke, the remnants of a rapidly fading dream still clinging to his consciousness. Shaking his head, he rose and took a shower to remove the lingering cobwebs. He knew he’d wind up taking a sleeping pill tonight to make sure he maintained a normal sleep schedule, but he preferred that to insomnia and the cycle of PTSD it tended to trigger. He didn’t regret staying up for Mako’s baby; helping Sakiko come into the world had felt, for a moment, like being a hero.

After getting dressed, Raleigh checked the computer, seeing that the jaegers were on their way back since the worst of the typhoon’s impact appeared to be over. Though he had no responsibility for them out in the field, he did feel a measure of responsibility since he oversaw the pilots’ continued training. Discussing the after-action reports with them would be on his agenda in the morning. Knowing when the pilots were due back gave him an idea of how soon he would see the reports in his inbox to read.

He didn’t bother heading over to LOCCENT for as he once might have to chat with the pilots and the LOCCENT crew. Tendo had chosen not to relocate to Sydney after getting an offer from an international logistics firm that was based in the US. Raleigh didn’t know this LOCCENT crew nearly as well, and he respected their professional distance by staying out of their way. Protocols instituted for non-wartime missions meant that no jaeger team was expected to be in Drift for more than twelve hours. Herc’s viewpoint was that he knew the pilots could handle it. Still, he saw no reason short of a kaiju or similar life-threatening emergency why they should so he instituted a protocol to prevent some politician from demanding it.

Satisfied by the news of the jaegers’ return, Raleigh then called up his email. He saw he had three emails worth his immediate attention. One was from Mako and looked like it had been sent globally telling everyone she and the baby were fine. The second was from Chuck, asking him to meet for dinner in Chuck’s apartment. The third was simply a note from the marshal’s executive assistant stating that she’d printed his weekly schedule and put it in his mailbox for pickup. Between his PTSD and the brain damage from piloting solo twice, Raleigh had learned quickly that he needed coping mechanisms; carrying an old-fashioned day planner had become a lifeline. Even though Chuck’s apartment was just down the hall, Raleigh took care of picking up his mail and updating his planner first; he knew he’d be a mess otherwise. Planner thus updated and returned to its proper spot on the kitchen counter nearest the door, Raleigh didn’t allow himself to dawdle. He owed Chuck an apology; kissing and running had been a dick move, no matter how he looked at it.

Chuck answered his knock promptly. The smell of something with a rich Italian-style tomato sauce hit Raleigh first as he walked into the apartment, and his mouth watered.

Seeing the look on his face, Chuck grinned. “It’s cacciatore pasta,” he explained. “My old man told me if I could mess this one up, he was going to disown me.”

“Why’s that?” Raleigh followed Chuck into the kitchen, seeing a steaming pot on the stove.

“Because the sauce is from a jar with a few things added for extra flavor and the hardest part is boiling the pasta,” Chuck admitted. “He used to make this on our kitchenette on the days when we had burned through our allotted calories ration. I still don’t know how he managed to make sure we always had sauce and pasta. I wouldn’t be surprised if he used ‘I have a growing boy’ as an excuse more than once.”

“Were you really hoping I’d join you?”

“If you didn’t, the leftovers are a decent carb-loaded breakfast, so it wouldn’t have gone to waste.” Chuck shrugged and pulled bowls out of a cabinet. “Help yourself. Forks are in the drawer to the left of the stove and there are paper towels next to the sink. If you were expecting fancy, sorry, this is as fancy as I get here.”

Raleigh eyed Chuck warily. If the situation had been reversed, he wasn’t sure he’d be this calm, but perhaps the time Raleigh had spent sleeping had made Chuck decide not to approach this with his usual forcefulness. Hunger made Raleigh opt to go with the flow. He filled his bowl and took a seat at the four-person table located in the L-shaped kitchen.

“I went and saw Mako and Sakiko this afternoon,” Chuck said after they’d both eaten a few bites.

“Yeah? How are they doing?” Raleigh latched gratefully onto the safer topic. “And this is delicious, by the way.”

“Thanks. I don’t know babies, but Sakiko definitely didn’t look like the preemies I’ve seen in pictures, all tiny and scrunched up like dolls,” Chuck said. “I have a feeling Mako’s going to be glad my old man insisted on hiring a nanny to help out. Sakiko was not a happy baby when I was there and Mako was getting frustrated.”

“Was wondering why Herc was muttering about having to call the agency.”

Chuck nodded. “I figured since none of us knew babies and none of us had anyone to ask, it was better to hire a professional from a reputable nanny company. That way, Mako might actually get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I’ve been helping paint and assemble furniture in the nursery. So there’ll be someone to help Mako besides us?”

“You know Mako will tell us it’s not our kid.”

Raleigh snorted at that. “Maybe not but I don’t want to be just the fun uncle, either.”

Chuck nodded agreement. “I had one of those. I used to think he was aces until he fucked up big time. You look like you’re looking forward to helping.”

“Helped raise my little sister,” Raleigh said.

Chuck smiled, apparently remembering meeting Jazmine shortly after Pitfall. “Did you get to see her sometime in the last five years like you promised her you would?”

“Yeah, we met up in New York and in London. She’s enjoying being an architect; the company she works for has sent her around the world a few times.”

A small silence fell as they finished eating. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier.”

Chuck met his gaze. “Mate, I don’t know if you were that out of it, but I was kissing you back until you stopped. I don’t understand why you did or the shit you spouted about thinking I just wanted a fuck. I’ll admit I think fucking is fun, but it’s better if you’re with someone who understands you. I was enjoying what we were doing.”

“All that means is that you’re willing to get laid.”

Chuck exhaled carefully. “Yeah, it does. It also means that I want you, not some hookup I found in the bar up the road. It pisses me off that you think I’d treat you with less than the respect and love you deserve.”

That caught Raleigh’s attention. “Love?”

Chuck met his gaze. “You think I’m willing to risk the friendship we have for a booty call? You know I’ve rarely done anything in half measures.”

Raleigh studied the other man, realizing that they’d both been operating under bad assumptions. “So why didn’t you tell me sooner? I thought you were just being overprotective and so I avoided being alone with you because of it. I had enough of that from Michael.”

“I didn’t think you’d take it well,” Chuck replied. “I wanted to have a little more time than this crazy schedule we’ve got.”

“And you think later is going to be any better than now?” Raleigh challenged. “Because if you’d put work ahead of being with me, then we already have problems.”

“Yeah. For one thing, I knew we had deadlines to meet, and I wasn’t about to give anyone cause to think I wasn’t doing my job. For another, I wanted to do this right. Take you out on a date, buy you flowers, tell you cheesy lines, and _then_ get you into bed. I wanted to be able to take my time, instead of worrying about what I’m ignoring to give you the kind of attention I think you deserve.”

Raleigh laughed as he realized he was free of the pressure he’d put himself under, wondering if Chuck felt the same. “And this doesn’t count?”

“Nah,” Chuck drawled. “Because you still haven’t told me why you think kissing me is going to a mistake.”

“Because I don’t think either of us is willing to stop at one kiss,” Raleigh said softly, meeting Chuck’s eyes. “And since we have to work together regardless, I’d like to keep the relationship we have without entangling it further.”

“Too late,” Chuck pointed out. “We’re discussing the possibility, which means we’ve already crossed a line.” He eyed Raleigh a moment. “How about we make this simple? You and me, Friday night date, we take it slow like we didn’t know each other and didn’t want to scare the other off.”

“And you’re willing to wait that long?”

“Well,” Chuck said, considering, “if you let me steal a few kisses now and then, maybe get a little handsy, I can manage. I’m not a saint, Raleigh, and I know you’re not one either.”

Raleigh chuckled a bit at that. “And what happens when we fight?”

“No using the kwoon to settle it; we both know we’re liable to fight dirty and wind up hurting each other physically. Whatever we’re fighting about, we don’t involve our co-pilots to settle it for us,” Chuck said. “Or anyone else that’s not a neutral third party. We keep it private, just between us, even if it means one of us stomps off to cool off first. No one has to witness us getting into a snit over personal stuff but us. Well, other than what might bleed through in the Drift, but Nicole believes that stuff is confidential.”

“You’ve thought this through.”

“I might’ve had the old man debate the wisdom of doing this with you or anyone else I work with. He got concerned that Mako and I were getting closer than friends.”

“Even though he knows you’re gay?”

“He also knows that Mako was my first kiss, so….” Chuck shrugged. “I don’t know how to make this any clearer, Raleigh. I want you, I’ve been in love with you even when you weren’t here, and I’m going to do my best not to hurt you.”

Raleigh forced himself to take a breath before he committed himself. “You make it sound easy.”

“Shouldn’t it be?” Chuck countered. “This is just us having dinner like we used to before you left. Can’t we start here?”

Raleigh stared at Chuck, trying to see if this was some kind of sick joke, but all he saw was Chuck’s earnestness. He had tried loving Michael on less common ground than this and far less honesty. He let go of the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and spoke. “Can we do something first?”

“What?”

“Try that kiss over?”

Chuck laughed softly and stood, pulling Raleigh to his feet as he did so. Raleigh went willingly into his embrace and brushed his lips against Chuck’s, inviting more without being demanding. Chuck met the invitation with a more insistent one of his own, taking possession of Raleigh’s mouth as if it was his to plunder. Perhaps it was; Raleigh didn’t care about anything but the press of lips against lips, the duel between their tongues, the heat rising between them. This close, Raleigh could feel every inch of Chuck’s body against his and the unmistakable length of Chuck’s arousal. Needing more, Raleigh pressed closer and deepened their kiss as he slid his hands down Chuck’s back.

As if that was the signal that they were getting too heated, Chuck pulled away reluctantly, distancing their bodies just enough that he could still hold Raleigh, but they were no longer pressed against each other.

“Think we’d better leave it there, mate,” Chuck said roughly. “Don’t want to be accused of rushing this.”

Raleigh leaned his head against Chuck’s shoulder and closed his eyes briefly as he tried to regain control. ‘Thoughtful and considerate’ were two adjectives he had never imagined he would apply to Chuck Hansen, but he was thinking of them now. It was too tempting to push this, to see how passionate they could be in bed, but Raleigh knew it was too soon.

“Yeah, we’d better stop.” He lifted his head and stepped back. “Thanks for dinner. You want any help with the dishes?”

Chuck smiled crookedly and nodded.


	12. Chapter 12

_The Pan Pacific Defense Corps is pleased to announce its latest jaeger pilot, Nicole Santiago. A former waitress and charter boat sailor, Nicole is from the British Virgin Islands and holds an associate degree in marine engineering management. She is twenty-five years old and has twice been on boats that were nearly capsized by kaiju-induced waves. “I’m pleased to be chosen and to have passed all of the training requirements,” Nicole said in her first official press conference. “Chuck and I have been working really well together and look forward to our first mission in Dragon Omega.”_

“Could I have sounded any more lame?” Nicole said Monday afternoon as she sat in the training classroom, watching the replay of the press conference while she and Chuck waited for Raleigh to show up.

“At least it’s not what I said at my first official news conference,” Chuck replied. “I got handed a script – they were afraid I’d spout off like I did in the practice sessions.”

“Did you?” Nicole asked.

“Read the script,” Chuck admitted. “It shows that it wasn’t me if you know me at all. Wound up fighting the ‘brainwashed child soldier’ label for most of that following year.”

Nicole shook her head. “Wondered why the job ad had a minimum age requirement, given I knew you were sixteen when you graduated from the Academy.”

“I didn’t want to go through that hassle a second time,” Herc said, stepping into the room. “Raleigh’s not having a good afternoon, so you’re stuck with me. You did well in the press conference, Nicole.”

“What happened?” Chuck asked.

Herc shook his head. “I didn’t ask,” he said, in a tone that said the subject was closed. Chuck bit back the surge of emotion he felt; he knew getting upset over the fact that Raleigh had bad days solved nothing. Still, he couldn’t help wondering what had triggered it this time. His hands itched to grab his phone and text Raleigh to ask, but he knew better. With a mental sigh, Chuck focused his attention on his father and the training session.

After a brief critique of the press conference, Chuck and Nicole spent the rest of the afternoon in the Drift simulator, performing a similar scenario as what the other two jaegers had faced the day prior. As the senior pilot, Chuck was responsible for making sure Nicole felt like an equal partner as well, which was critical to ensuring that there was no lag in any actions that they’d take. They had to move as one mind, one body, when they were in their jaeger, and without a familial or intimate connection, they had to bridge that trust gap as well. Nicole had a tendency to second-guess what she was doing, Chuck had discovered, and this was an excellent test of her ability to just react under pressure. It was too easy in the Drift to push one’s co-pilot into doing things that they might not otherwise do. Balancing that with the need to respect the other person and still perform the mission required practice and negotiation, hence the simulation training.

After dinner, Chuck headed over to see Raleigh. He was waylaid by the other pilots and some of the other staff. They wanted his help with moving Mako from her current apartment into the two-bedroom that had been originally designated for the second deputy marshal, a position that Herc had chosen not to fill. Mako was due to come home from the hospital in the morning, so there was a push to relocate her before then. The nursery had already been set up in the new apartment, but the rest of the space was bare, necessitating the moving of furniture and everything else Mako owned. As a result, it was past midnight before Chuck finally was able to make it back to his original destination, and he got no reply to his knock on Raleigh’s door. Disappointed but not surprised, Chuck sent Raleigh an email to ask if he’d be interested in a dinner date on Friday night, then headed to bed.

The rest of the week was filled with conn-pod customization and minor wiring issues related to said customization. Midweek, a welcome-home-Mako-and-Sakiko party turned into a baby shower since someone happened to mention Mako hadn’t bought nearly enough clothes, diapers, bottles, or toys. (Chuck suspected Lili and Raleigh since they’d both helped raise younger siblings.) The remainder of Chuck’s time was filled even more training. By Friday afternoon, Chuck could almost believe that he had dreamed that he had kissed Raleigh.

Chuck had exited out of the drivesuit room, having changed into jeans and one of the new Dragon Omega t-shirts when he abruptly ran into Raleigh just as he turned the corner.

“Hi,” Raleigh said and kissed him.

Whatever words of indignant protest Chuck had been about to voice died unspoken. Before he could deepen it, however, Raleigh pulled back. “We still on for dinner tonight? I thought we could go over to the bar up the road; they have a live band playing later.”

“I, uh,” Chuck blinked and tried to catch up; his head was still spinning a little from the unexpected contact. “I promised Nicole we’d go to dinner. I wasn’t sure if we were still on for tonight and you didn’t answer my email.”

“Been a bad week for reading anything on the computer,” Raleigh said apologetically. “Turns out the sleeping pill I was prescribed actually makes me get headaches, so it’s been a week of trying out something else.”

“Ah,” Chuck said, realizing that he hadn’t actually seen Raleigh at work beyond brief glimpses. Abruptly realizing he was mimicking a fish, he closed his mouth and swallowed once before speaking. “I could tell her we have a date.”

“Nah, bring her along.”

“What, like a chaperone?”

Raleigh’s eyes danced with mirth. “Nah, like a friend. I’ve been spending a little too much time cooped up in my room this week and need to look at something other than here. Besides, I know you’ve gone out with a friend and ditched them for someone more interesting.”

Chuck started to protest before he remembered he’d done that to Raleigh more than once before Raleigh had started seeing Michael. His eyes narrowed as a possibility spun out in his head, and he blurted out, “You were interested in me before you met Michael.”

“Yeah, and you were busy having fun with other people,” Raleigh pointed out calmly. “Figured we were just going to be friends so I went looking for someone who was looking for what I wanted.”

Chuck stared at him. “You…”

Raleigh sighed. “Let me get something clear. I loved Michael, and for a few years, he loved me. He’s more in love with his notion of what a perfect life should be, though, and it took us a long time to figure out that was part of the problem. I wanted what he and I had and I don’t regret the time I spent with him. I needed that relationship to be able to look at you and stand here and say I know you love me and you think that’s going to be the flawless magic to make this work. But that work starts now because you and I are rarely going to have a perfect date.”

Exhaling heavily, Chuck asked, “Can you blame a guy for trying?”

Raleigh shook his head. “No. Just recognizing that we have a ‘dome full of our friends and coworkers and the moment we plan for that perfect moment, we’re going to invite trouble.”

Chuck grinned and kissed Raleigh as Nicole stepped out of the drive suit room.

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Uh huh,” Chuck said. He knew his co-pilot was usually not one to linger in the locker room despite her penchant for making sure she looked camera-ready. She should’ve been out at least five minutes ago, which meant her ‘accidental’ arrival wasn’t so random. “Like you didn’t just send everyone a picture of him and me.”

Nicole widened her eyes and tried to look innocent; Chuck didn’t buy it for a minute.

“See what I mean?” Raleigh said, grinning. “Want to bet the other pilots come find reasons to say hello tonight?”

“Sucker bet,” Chuck agreed. “Nic, please don’t invite them.”

Nicole still tried for innocence, though. “We are going to the bar tonight, aren’t we? Doesn’t everyone go on Friday nights?”

“Maybe we should go somewhere else, without you,” Chuck mused.

“Might as well get the razzing over with,” Raleigh pointed out.

“I won’t razz you,” Nicole promised. “Just – it’s sweet and about damn time if you ask me.”

Chuck wrinkled his nose, but a glance at Raleigh, who evidently was expecting some snide remark, made him swallow what he was going to say. “Come on; we’d better get moving if we want to get a table.”

Raleigh had been right about the other pilots getting tipped off about their date, so a good portion of the evening was spent fielding questions and knowing jibes from the other pilots. Chuck was also not surprised to see that the last man to arrive was his father, who managed to time it perfectly so that Chuck sat alone at the table while Raleigh used the restroom. “Don’t start,” he warned Herc.

“Start on what?” Herc asked. “Came here to listen to the band.”

“Uh huh,” Chuck said disbelievingly.

Herc shrugged. “Suit yourself, but you might want to duck out now if you wish to avoid the paparazzi. They followed me here.”

“Got it,” Chuck said and rose to find Raleigh.

 _Could the rumors be true? Ranger Raleigh Becket was last spied in London last year at a charity event with longtime boyfriend, Michael Lopez, but sources say that the relationship is over. Last night, a local pub played host to the PPDC’s jaeger pilots, whom sources say were celebrating the graduation of their newest Ranger, Nicole Santiago. Absent from the group was Mako Mori, who recently gave birth to a daughter. The surprise in the group was Ranger Raleigh Becket, seen here in this photo, kissing fellow Ranger, Chuck Hansen. Knowing Chuck, we can’t dismiss it wasn’t on a dare just for us, but we’ll see…._ – TMZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! :-)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter than the rest, but I really wanted this to be posted today.
> 
> Also, the rating has been bumped up - I tried writing this to be less explicit but the guys said no.

_Rangers Chuck Hansen and Raleigh Becket were among the people dining in Le Bistro when the kitchen caught fire. Two cooks were injured, but everyone was evacuated safely. The restaurant staff members credit the jaeger pilots with helping to keep everyone calm during the unexpected fire alarm. The restaurant will be closed until repairs can be made and the mandatory health inspection is passed. The restaurant’s owner and head chef blames a faulty fire suppression system for failing to contain the fire._ – Sydney evening news report

“Can we have a date where something doesn’t happen?” Chuck bitched as he returned to his apartment, Raleigh trailing behind him. “That’s two weeks in a row where we got interrupted. Can’t we have just one?”

Raleigh kissed him and pressed him against the bathroom wall. “Sure,” Raleigh said. “We’ll stay home and I’ll cook, but then my sister will call or Mako will need someone to help her with Sakiko because the nanny’s off duty.”

“You saying we should just accept it and take advantage of –”

Raleigh kissed him again. “I love that you’re more communicative, but can we just get naked and shower together? I can’t stand smelling like smoke.”

Chuck laughed and readily helped Raleigh out of his clothes before shucking his own. Some instinct told him to follow the other man’s lead, which meant focusing more on getting clean than using the situation to kiss and fondle. Chuck didn’t count on Raleigh’s sneak attacks, which ratcheted up the heat. Nor did he expect that once they were clean, Raleigh pressed him up against the wall, said, “Stay there,” and proceeded to get down on his knees. Wrapping one hand around Chuck’s cock, Raleigh braced an arm across Chuck’s hips and then put Chuck’s cock in his mouth. Alternately licking and sucking, Raleigh worked his way down Chuck’s shaft, pulling back every so often to keep from triggering his gag reflex and making Chuck moan from the sheer pleasure Raleigh was giving him. Whatever lung capacity Chuck had as a jaeger pilot was suddenly not enough to keep him from panting breathlessly. The feel of Raleigh’s mouth and hands on his cock was intense, a rush Chuck had thought he might never experience. He wanted to savor every moment, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

Raleigh didn’t try to take all of Chuck’s length in, but focused the most attention on the head and used his free hand to stroke the shaft as well. It was too much to feel and see. Chuck came far too quickly for a man who prided himself on his stamina. Judging from the smug expression on his face, Raleigh didn’t seem to mind. Shuddering through the aftershocks, Chuck managed to retain enough sense to pull Raleigh to his feet and kissed him, tasting himself on Raleigh’s tongue.

Raleigh smiled, but Chuck realized he wasn’t hard, and quickly ended the kiss. “Was this all for me?”

Raleigh nodded. “Not saying you don’t turn me on, but the drugs I’m taking for my insomnia mess with my ability to stay hard.”

“Ah,” Chuck said and kissed him again. “As long as I get to play a bit sometime?”

“Oh yeah,” Raleigh said fervently. “Want your hands and your mouth and everything else, but I can’t promise I’m going to be good for much if you want to get fucked or suck me off.”

“Ah, that’s going to feel lopsided,” Chuck protested.

Raleigh smiled ruefully. “I’ll talk to the docs and see if I can get something else. I’m not exactly enjoying what it’s doing to me, either.” He pressed a kiss to Chuck’s lips and changed the subject. “We’d better get out and get dry before the water turns cold.” Suiting his words, he stepped out and reached for a towel.

Chuck smiled, rinsed off, and stepped out after Raleigh. “You, uh, want to stay with me tonight?”

Raleigh leaned in and stole another kiss. “Not this evening,” he said regretfully. “Your room’s the reverse layout from mine, and in the dark, that’ll mess me up.”

“You really need those routines to keep you from having flashbacks?” Chuck asked carefully as he toweled himself dry.

“Not so much from having flashbacks, but having the structure to keep me from getting lost in my head,” Raleigh said. “If I know where everything is and I have my lists, then when I start having a headache or a flashback, I’m less likely to get more upset by things not being where I expect.” He gave Chuck a rueful smile.

“Would it be easier if we went to your room, then?”

“Not tonight,” Raleigh said, “but maybe in a few weeks, when people are used to us?”

Chuck kissed him sweetly, understanding that he was pushy and Raleigh was being diplomatic about it. “Did you want to get these smelly clothes in the laundry tonight and see if we can get a pizza delivered? I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get to eat anything we ordered. You can borrow a pair of my sweats.”

“I had one bite,” Raleigh confessed, “and yeah, I’ll borrow those sweats so I can get across the hall.”

“I’ll take these down to the laundry room, but I think it’s probably best if we both ate first before we did laundry,” Chuck suggested. “Did you want to place the order? That way, you don’t have to smell these any more than you have to.”

Raleigh nodded agreement. “I’ll meet you there. Barbecue chicken, right?”

“Call it chook or the guy will never understand you,” Chuck reminded him.

“Yeah, well, you all talk weird,” Raleigh shot back but exited the apartment before Chuck could respond with his usual retort.


	14. Chapter 14

“Ranger Hansen, how does it feel to be in a jaeger again, piloting the PPDC’s newest jaeger?” the reporter on the scene asked him. Chuck and Nicole had come ashore after assisting in a rescue of a stranded offshore supply vessel that had been caught in 10-foot seas off the coast of Guam two weeks later.

Chuck thought longingly of Raleigh waiting for him back in Sydney. Raleigh had kissed him right before he and Nicole had entered the conn-pod elevator, as if he’d been afraid of not being able to do so when Chuck came back. Swallowing the surge of desire that memory produced, Chuck made sure to smile, make eye contact with the reporter, and look at the camera.

“Pretty good. Nic and I make a good team, and I’m glad we were able to get those sailors safe.”

“We’ve heard a lot the past few weeks about your new co-pilot. What do you say to those who think Ranger Becket should have been your co-pilot?”

Chuck grimaced; he’d been expecting this question. “Raleigh and I have a different connection, and that’s enough for both of us.”

“So the rumors are true that you are dating?” the reporter pressed.

Chuck started to say something, only to be caught by a tug on the ghost drift between him and Nicole. He realized abruptly that he hadn’t discussed their status with Raleigh, kiss in the parking lot of the pub caught by the paparazzi or not. “I’m here to do a job; what I do in my off time with other people is my business. Excuse me, my co-pilot needs me.”

By the time he and Nicole returned to the ‘dome, Chuck had completely forgotten the reporter’s question. He didn’t notice Raleigh being a little more present in what little free time they had together, too caught up in work to do much more than just enjoy that Raleigh was with him. The crews noticed that Raleigh made sure to kiss him in full view of everyone every time he headed out in Dragon Omega – but Chuck didn’t think deeply about those actions, either.

The following week passed in a blur of field operations. Another offshore rescue, three days of trying to beat a typhoon across the Pacific, and two days on standby were followed by a mandatory appearance at an all-day meeting with the UN. They were playing politics again to ensure that the brass was satisfied with the results of their funding. Too tired to think straight, Chuck willingly allowed his father to guide him back to his quarters. He promptly crashed for sixteen hours. He completely forgot about promising Raleigh to check out a local shelter. The shelter had a bulldog puppy Raleigh thought looked like Max. The picture that had been taken of the dog, sitting in the front seat of a blue sedan and looking adorable, had indeed looked like Max when he had been a puppy. Fortunately, Raleigh had been aware of what was going on, so he didn’t hold the forgotten promise against Chuck. He did, however, let Chuck know that the dog had been adopted, and reversed his position on the topic, saying it didn’t look like Chuck would have the time for a dog. Chuck was forced to agree; he’d forgotten just how busy being a jaeger pilot could be.

The week after that wound up being more of the same crazy workload, sans the meeting. Herc, sensing his jaeger pilots were getting worn thin, ordered mandatory leave, barring any events that could not be rescheduled or emergencies. Saturday night found all of the pilots, including Mako, at a black tie ball that raised money for an international charity organization that funded multiple community service providers. Sakiko was under the care of a nanny for the evening, but it didn’t stop her from obsessively checking her phone to see if she’d gotten a text message. Finally, Herc confiscated it from her.

“I may not have been the best parent in the world,” he told Mako, “but I know how easy it’s to get obsessed about something. If the nanny does have a problem, she’s professional enough to handle it without calling you every five seconds. Now go make sure Raleigh and Chuck aren’t getting too handsy with each other and make sure Nicole doesn’t fall over from her nerves.”

Mako stifled a smile at that and accepted the challenge. Nicole was holding her own among a group of women; Mako joined the conversation briefly and then went looking for Chuck and Raleigh. She found Chuck quickly enough. He was being courted by the usual assortment of upper-class businessmen and politicians who wanted to bend his ear about the current state of world affairs. Chuck was handling it with his usual blunt redirects to anything other than said topic. She found Raleigh stacking a plate full of canapés; he looked like he was trying to make a strategic attempt at something resembling dinner.

“They claimed they were going to feed us later,” she reminded Raleigh.

“I saw the menu, and no, rubber chicken does not count as food,” Raleigh told her quietly. “Besides, this way I can escape early.”

Mako’s eyes narrowed; she knew that he wasn’t above pleading a headache if it suited him. “If I have to stay here, so do you,” she said firmly. “Besides, I have ibuprofen in my purse. Now stop looking like no one taught you manners.”

Raleigh handed her a toothpick with some barbecued meat on it. “Ladies first,” he said gallantly before he took one for himself. “And half this plate is for Chuck.”

Mako glared at him. “That doesn’t count.”

“As if I don’t know you’d love the chance to eat without a baby in arm,” Raleigh replied, and moved away from the buffet, intending to meet Chuck.

Halfway there, a twenty-something stranger with blonde-streaked brown hair waylaid him. He looked like he just stepped off the pages of some men’s high-end fashion catalog, with a face that looked like an artist had freshly chiseled it. His ‘looking to score’ attitude was as shiny as the diamond stud in one ear. “You’re Raleigh Becket, aren’t you?”

Raleigh eyed him. Raleigh was almost positive he was barely old enough to drink, let alone drive or vote. Six years ago, he would have happily taken that line and run with it, or tossed the boy Chuck’s way. That was back before Raleigh realized that he didn’t want yet another one night stand. Six months ago, he would’ve laughed at the notion that Chuck wouldn’t happily take this guy off his hands. Now, however, he was sure of one thing: Chuck loved the kind of sex he could do, and as long as Chuck was happy with that, then he was going to stay with Raleigh.

“Yeah, and?”

“And I’m Sebastian Rutherford,” the pretty boy said, then took in Raleigh’s blank expression. “You’ve never heard of me. Well, that’s new.”

“Should I have?”

“I’m an actor,” Sebastian said. “I play the American, Drew True on _Night Shift_. It’s Australia’s top rated nighttime drama.”

Raleigh favored him with a bored look. “Sorry, I’m not much for watching TV these days. Everyone seems to want to have some character inspired by me.”

“But you’re a hero!” Sebastian protested. “You saved the world!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t do it entirely alone,” Raleigh countered. “Was that all you wanted to say?”

Sebastian shook his head. “Fine. Let me be blunt, then. If you think you can hold onto Chuck for longer than a few months, you’re as brain damaged as they say you are. I got six months and that’s it.”

Raleigh looked at the other man. “Maybe that’s why I think I can,” he replied, hiding the fact that he had a creeping fear that Chuck didn’t really love him. “But if you thought you could get a second chance at his bed, you just shot it all to hell.”

“I love it when you get vicious,” Chuck chimed in then and stole an appetizer off the plate Raleigh held as he slid an arm around Raleigh’s waist. “Hello, Seb. Please save us both the trouble of me breaking your jaw and leave?”

“You wouldn’t cause a scene,” Sebastian said confidently.

“No, but I can’t vouch for Raleigh,” Chuck replied. “Or are you trying to be polite today?”

Raleigh grinned nastily. “I hate the sight of blood these days, so yeah. Plus, busted knuckles, ruined custom tux, nah, not worth it.” He turned slightly away, just enough to be an insult, and waited for a strike that never came. He looked over his shoulder at the actor, still visibly fuming. “If you’d really wanted to be a little more like me, you’d have taken that _personally_. But maybe that’s just my _brain damage_ talking; I think people should be a little quicker to respond than they are.”

Chuck’s grip tightened slightly on Raleigh’s waist at those words. Raleigh shot him an annoyed look, not liking the reaction. Aloud, however, Raleigh asked, “Is it time for us to find our seats for dinner?”

Looking as though he didn’t trust his voice, Chuck nodded.

Later, in the privacy of Raleigh’s room, Chuck vented. “I can’t believe you let that idiot insult you like that.”

“He’s not the first,” Raleigh said calmly as he undid his tie and hung it neatly back on the special hanger he had for that purpose. He then undid his pants, slid them off, and put it on the same hanger as the tuxedo coat, leaving him only clad in briefs and a white dress shirt. “And he won’t be the last. People think that they’re being all mean and nasty when they tell me something I already know as if I wasn’t the one living with it.”

Chuck sighed. “I didn’t hear everything he said to you. Did he tell you he and I used to be lovers?”

“Yeah,” Raleigh said. “As I recall, you were determined to make up for some lost time since the last few years of the Kaiju War meant you didn’t have much time for sex.” He had to stay calm and make sure that Chuck didn’t know his fear that he wasn’t doing enough. It was better for both of them if he kept Chuck happy.

Chuck stared at him. “You aren’t jealous. Why aren’t you?”

Raleigh rubbed the side of one ear, wishing, for a moment, that the newer, more mature version of Chuck Hansen didn’t come with a penchant for asking questions Raleigh wanted to avoid answering. “Neither of us have been celibate – hell, we found each other people to fuck before I fell for Michael. You expect me to get possessive of you?”

“Maybe a little,” Chuck admitted. “Like I did at the party. I guess I just got used to other people getting more upset at exes?”

Raleigh half-smiled at that. “Then you were dating the wrong people. If he was kissing you and I didn’t trust you, then maybe I’d have an issue?”

“Point,” Chuck said, and Raleigh breathed a mental sigh of relief that Chuck bought his reasoning.

Chuck said he loved him once. It had to be enough. He wasn’t some insecure crybaby who needed to be told he was loved every five minutes. He just had to make sure that Chuck was satisfied. He had to ensure that everyone knew they were together, and if Chuck hadn’t alerted the media, well, that didn’t mean that Raleigh was a dirty secret. It was just Chuck, who didn’t want to give the paparazzi more ammunition.

It was easy now to let Chuck undress him, stroke his body like it would turn him on. Raleigh took control so that Chuck couldn’t think of anything else but how skilled a lover Raleigh was. If Raleigh wanted more cuddles and kisses, wanted to do something other than blowjobs and letting Chuck top him, then that was just him being greedy. Chuck was adamant that Raleigh not mess up his medication if it was working, even if the side effects to their sex life was less than pleasurable. Raleigh was just being stupid and irresponsible for thinking he should change things. Hadn’t Michael reminded him of that enough? So Raleigh said nothing, not wanting to upset Chuck’s happiness.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: references to depression, thoughts of suicide (not attempted, just considered), discussion of PTSD.

Herc swore as he rolled over and looked at the clock, which told him it was just past three in the morning. Nightmares were rare for him; he’d learned coping mechanisms early in his career as a combat helicopter pilot, but he still had a few from time to time. He hadn’t dreamed of his late wife in years, but the reminder of her laugh and her smile was so vivid, it was like she’d been in the room with him. Aware he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after that, Herc threw on a t-shirt and pair of shorts. He slipped his feet into the pair of non-skid slip-on shoes he used as his slippers. He didn’t care what he looked like. At this hour, no one other than the security team was supposed to be awake. He figured a good walk around the ‘dome would be enough to clear his head, maybe get him thinking about something else.

He found Raleigh on the overlook that faced Chrome Brutus, staring at it like it held answers. This area of the ‘dome was warmer than the rest, a nod to the various jaeger electronic parts that were temperature sensitive when not in use. Herc was still not surprised to see that Raleigh wore a thick fleece robe over his t-shirt and sleep pants.

“Figured I’d find you looking at Dragon Omega if I ever found you wandering the halls again like you used to,” Herc greeted.

“Did that last night,” Raleigh admitted. “What are you doing up? Usually, it’s just me and the security patrol at this hour.”

Herc studied the younger man. “Drugs not working for you anymore?”

“Not supposed to be taking them long-term, sir,” Raleigh admitted. “Trying to wean me off of them again. Maybe I should get a dog.”

“Might help,” Herc agreed. “They suggested I get one for Chuck to help deal with his grief and anger. Turned out that it helped us both. Miss that damned dog, farts, drools, skin problems, and all.”

“So why haven’t you gotten one yet?”

“Mostly because I’m enjoying not having one too much,” Herc admitted with a rueful laugh. “Kind of nice to be able to not have to find a dog sitter.” He paused. “You know there are organizations that specialize in dogs for people with PTSD.”

“I heard,” Raleigh said with a nod. “Don’t think I’m that bad, though.”

“Maybe not,” Herc allowed. “But maybe we shouldn’t let it get to that point again?”

Raleigh shrugged. “I was fine.”

“Tell me you didn’t occasionally stand up on that Wall with your safety line detached and consider falling,” Herc argued quietly. “I heard what you told Mako when you sent her pod up.”

Raleigh drew in a breath. “Didn’t think that got recorded.”

“Escape pods have the last ten minutes of data from their jaeger stored on them so we can figure out what happened,” Herc told him and watched him bow his head. “I don’t want you to get that low. For one, I’d be a shitty friend and an even crappier marshal. For two, my son loves you and hasn’t dealt well with being without you. At least, please consider the idea of a dog? One that’s been trained to deal with PTSD?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Now, why don’t you walk with me and I’ll let you into my son’s quarters?”

“Not a good idea, sir. Way I am now, I’m liable to kick him in my sleep, and I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt him.”

Herc studied Raleigh. “You going to be able to lead the training session today?”

“It’s just the everyday calisthenics, sir, nothing unusual.”

“Cut out the ‘sir’; I told you before, it only matters when we’re working. We’re off duty right now and I’m asking as a friend first.”

“My answer remains the same. I promised Chuck we’d give everyone a good workout this morning. Don’t want to disappoint him. Good night.” Without waiting for a reply, Raleigh turned and exited the platform.

Herc stared at Raleigh as he departed, his words echoing in Herc’s head. Disappoint? Herc wondered. Who the hell told Raleigh he was a disappointment?

Frowning, Herc spent a moment processing what Raleigh had said, then swore.

“Did you tell Raleigh you were disappointed in him?” Herc demanded, pulling his son aside after the workout later that day, using the pretext of an upcoming conference call to pull Chuck into his office and shut the door for privacy.

“What?” Chuck looked shocked. “Why the fuck would I say that now?”

“I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t do something for you in bed,” Herc shot back.

“You’re just jealous, old man,” Chuck retorted. “Maybe you should find someone to get laid on a regular basis, calm you the fuck down.”

Herc took a deep breath, reminding himself that his son had always found the right words to get under his skin in the fastest amount of time. Getting mad right now was not what he wanted to do. “And that would fix your relationship with Raleigh how?” Herc asked evenly.

“There’s nothing to fix, old man,” Chuck snapped. “Raleigh has insomnia sometimes, so what. He says shit when he’s tired; usually stuff he regrets later. That’s also not news. So whatever he said to you at whatever time he said it, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

Herc studied his son a moment, not entirely convinced, but not quite sure he completely remembered the full conversation he’d had with Raleigh, either. It had been hours ago, long enough that Herc couldn’t say exactly what had been said, other than Raleigh being motivated by Chuck’s disappointment. “You two are happy, though?”

Chuck glared at him. “Be more stoked if you weren’t a stickybeak about it. So if you don’t have anything else…?”

“No, nothing else,” Herc said. He decided he was better off not sticking his nose in if things were going well; Chuck apparently sounded like he knew what was going on with Raleigh. Still, he watched as time passed and worried more.

* * *

By the end of November, all of the jaeger pilots were exhausted and tempers were wearing thin. The Pacific typhoon season had been one of the worst on record. Even Ayuta, who was considered a beacon of calm amongst the pilots, was heard to mutter deprecations against the weather, the politicians who got into power plays over where the jaegers were stationed, and the inevitable masses who, despite all warnings, went out in storms anyway and needed rescue. It had gotten bad enough that there were talks of pulling another jaeger out of Oblivion Bay and rushing through a repair. Then, as if the universe had heard all prayers, the forecast changed to milder weather, with the extended forecast looking like there would be storms through the holidays, but nothing typhoon strength. Herc immediately declared a stand down, much to everyone’s relief.

“May I have a word with you?” Lili asked formally.

Chuck looked up from his perusal of Dragon Omega’s specs and gestured for the Chinese woman to sit down. It was midday on a Friday, and Chuck was taking advantage of the lull in the weather to check a theory he had about the hydraulics.

“What can I do for you?”

Lili shook her head. “I do not think you are taking care of Raleigh,” she declared.

“What?” Chuck asked incredulously.

“He hasn’t been sleeping the last few weeks.”

Startled, Chuck stared at her. “What? He’s been with me.”

Lili shook her head. “He slips out of your room after you’ve fallen asleep. You don’t notice because he’s always careful to time it just right so you wake with him.”

“And how do you know he’s been doing that?” Chuck asked dangerously.

Unfazed by his temper, Lili said, “I never sleep more than four hours, so I’m usually up. I like to prop my door open so I don’t feel trapped. I hear him leave your room, and I don’t hear him go to his anymore like he used to when you first started sleeping together. I heard him tell one of the guards he liked to walk when it was quiet.”

“And why are you telling me this?”

“Thought you should know,” she said evenly, and then shrugged. “But if you don’t care, then why should I? Ethan thinks you’re just fuck buddies anyway.”

Chuck growled. “He’d better not get any ideas.”

Lili looked at him. “Then perhaps you’d better make sure Raleigh is happy,” she suggested and left his office.

Chuck sat there for a moment, stunned, then headed quickly in the direction of Raleigh’s quarters first. Not finding his boyfriend there, Chuck started looking for where Raleigh might be. After nearly an hour of searching, Chuck found him in the least likely place he thought he’d find him: in the Drift simulation room. He wasn’t hooked up, but he was sitting in one of the chairs, toying with a helmet as if he was considering the idea.

“What are you doing?” Chuck asked, his voice coming out harsher than he’d intended.

Raleigh looked up and set the helmet aside. “Nothing. You figured out how to tweak Dragon the way you want to?” He smiled brightly, and for the first time in a long time, Chuck realized just how tired Raleigh was. The bright spark that had first attracted Chuck so long ago was dulled, and in its place was the same bitter resignation Chuck remembered seeing Raleigh exude upon his return to the PPDC before Operation Pitfall.

“Why aren’t you sleeping? I thought you were staying the night with me now,” Chuck blurted.

Raleigh stepped closer. “Ever want to make out in one of these rooms?” he offered.

“Yeah, and I almost got caught doing it,” Chuck replied, but he pulled Raleigh close anyway, wanting to hold him. “Which means no, by the way.”

Raleigh looked at him. “Isn’t that why you came to find me?”

Caught by the implication, Chuck stared at him. “No,” he said slowly. “I don’t want to spend all of our time together making out.”

Raleigh stepped out of the embrace. “Oh. Well, then, why did you need me?” he asked, turning off switches and powering down the system.

“What were you looking at?” Chuck asked instead. He knew the system could replay a simulation without anyone being hooked up; it was usually used to either test the system or to provide preliminary instruction to cadets.

Raleigh shook his head. “Doesn’t matter,” he insisted. “Did you want to go to lunch?”

“Raleigh, it’s barely 1030.”

“Okay,” Raleigh said readily. “Then we’ll wait. When did you want to have lunch?”

Chuck stared at him. “How about you and I talk about why you suddenly think your life’s ambition is to please me?”

A flicker of disappointment flashed across Raleigh’s face. “Is that a problem?”

“If I wanted the robot version of you, I’d have had Mako build me it. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Raleigh looked down at his hands, pressing them together and rubbing his right thumb over his left forefinger repeatedly before he sighed and said, “Just forget it. I’m not making sense to myself right now. Probably should’ve warned you I’d have rollercoaster days, huh? The wonders of modern medicine.” He offered an apologetic smile before he glanced at his watch and picked up his day planner to verify what he had scheduled. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Chuck stared at him, at a loss for what to do. He didn’t quite buy Raleigh’s words, but he knew he needed more information first.

Mako had Sakiko in a baby carrier and was reading in the shade of one of the patio tables some enterprising soul had dragged up to the rooftop observation deck. At the sound of Chuck’s footsteps, Mako looked up.

“Thought you would be with Raleigh,” she said carefully after Chuck had greeted both her and the baby.

“I was, but he said he had an appointment. Know anything about it?”

Mako blinked and shook her head, then reconsidered. “He may have gone to talk to Dr. Parnell for an extra session? Last I knew, he had a monthly appointment with Dr. Parnell, but that’s nothing more than to make sure Raleigh is still doing fine and doesn’t need more therapy. I know they discontinued the drugs because they were making Raleigh’s headaches worse.” Mako narrowed her eyes. “Raleigh did not share this information with you.”

“He must’ve tried to tell me when I was half asleep or something,” Chuck attempted to dodge, but Mako had known him too long to be put off by such excuses.

“No, he let you assume and waited for you to ask. He has always put others ahead of himself. It’s why he gave me his oxygen.” She looked at Chuck. “Did you tell him you didn’t want a dog?”

“Not a bulldog again,” Chuck said. “Something that doesn’t have fold dermatitis, breathing problems, or nearly as much slobber, sure. You know how I’ve been looking at the ones I might be able to take running.”

“Did you mention that to Raleigh?”

“When was I supposed to?” Chuck asked wryly. “Lately all we seem to have time for is….” Chuck trailed off, as he realized just how much of their time together hadn’t been spent talking at all.

Mako’s gaze was steady on him, not accusing, but Chuck could swear she was damn near close to it. “You have time today. Everyone has a three-day weekend unless there’s an emergency,” she noted.

“Have I ever told you I hate it when you’re right about something?”

Mako laughed. “Plenty of times,” she agreed. “Your father was looking for you a few minutes ago. He asked if I saw you if you’d stop by and talk with him.”

Chuck studied her. “You don’t want me to go chasing after Raleigh right now.”

She chose her words carefully. “He will probably think you only want one thing.”

“Already had that conversation with him,” Chuck told her. “But I’ll respect that he wants to be away from me until after dinner.”

Mako looked relieved and bent her head in gratitude.

Chuck spent a few more minutes visiting with her and Sakiko before chasing them off the deck, claiming they didn’t need sunburn now that the heat of the day was starting to blossom. He knew he was sublimating since he couldn’t fuss over Raleigh like he wanted to, but he figured he was better off respecting his boyfriend’s wishes.

Not looking forward to what he was sure a lecture, given what he had heard so far, Chuck swung by his father’s office. He found Herc looking over what appeared to be a stack of holiday cards. Advances in electronic communications hadn’t stopped the custom of paper cards, particularly since some in the public were convinced the PPDC wouldn’t accept anything emailed anyway.

“Anything interesting?” Chuck asked as he took a seat in the guest chair.

“Marriage proposal from someone I’ve never met,” Herc said wryly. “Lissa sorted the holiday mail; you should see the stack you’ve gotten.”

“I’ll check my box after this,” Chuck assured his father. “Something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Raleigh’s getting a dog to help him with his PTSD,” Herc said. “He’s not able to take the medications anymore.”

Chuck looked at his father warily. “Shouldn’t I hear this from Raleigh?”

“You should be, but Raleigh thinks you don’t care to hear about his problems.”

“Oi, I –”

“Have been so busy telling everyone who’d listen that you’re not dating Raleigh that he’s convinced you’re just fuck buddies. That means he’s backed off on kissing you goodbye every time you go out in Dragon, and does everything he can to act as though you just work together. I know you’ve been running on exhausted these last few weeks, but did you notice how he’s been acting?”

Chuck started to speak but shut his mouth as the morning’s encounters ran through his mind. “I tried to tell him I don’t want him for just sex. He acted as if it was his fault.”

Herc sighed heavily. “So what are you going to do to fix it?”

“You couldn’t say something sooner?” Chuck growled, irritated.

Herc just looked at him. “You want my suggestions or not? Because he’s going to bend over ass backward to smooth things over and you need to stop letting work substitute for talking.”

“Oi, and who was telling me not to put my relationship first?” Chuck shot back.

“The same guy who heard you swear he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes I did,” Herc replied, and Chuck drew in a breath at that barb. Noting the reaction, Herc pressed on. “You also promised you’d be able to work with Raleigh and juggle loving him. From what I’ve been seeing and hearing, you got it half right. Since I have a vested interest in making certain you’re both happy being here, I have a few ideas to help you. The rest of the work is all yours to do.”

Chuck exhaled slowly. “Just remember, old man, if you fuck up your next relationship, I’m going to repay this favor in spades,” he half-joked.

“Wouldn’t expect anything less,” Herc said. “Now, listen up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I hate being sick and tired, so hopefully this all makes sense. ::crawls back under covers::


	16. Chapter 16

Chuck knew his strength in battle was not strategy, but the strength and the courage to keep fighting against impossible odds. Once his father laid out his plan on how to convince Raleigh that his sole purpose in life was not to become a shallow representation of himself, Chuck understood what he had done wrong. He had been acting as if his relationship with the other man was no more than any other sex-based relationship he had ever had. That, Chuck acknowledged, had been his first mistake. Mistake two had been to assume that he’d have the time to talk to Raleigh, someone who’d had plenty of practice at deflecting conversations about anything he didn’t want to discuss. Mistake three had been allowing Raleigh to use his mental condition as an excuse. Chuck had not seen that making allowances for it didn’t necessarily mean that Raleigh could use it as a crutch for not spending time with him or having meaningful conversations. Mistake four was not seeing Raleigh as needing to be reassured of his place in Chuck’s life, given how capable he was at everything else.

Never one to commit to anything at less than one hundred percent, Chuck understood, after talking with his father, that he had to be careful about how he executed his plan. It had to feel natural as if he was taking advantage of the downtime, to reconnect with Raleigh, and not like a battle plan at all. So Chuck made sure that his actions didn’t cause Raleigh further distress – and having Tobey, the Australian cattle dog mix that had been found for Raleigh, proved to be the perfect barometer for Raleigh. Raleigh couldn’t hide what he was feeling with Tobey there to prove otherwise. The fact that they lived and worked together made Chuck’s renewed commitment to their relationship both easier and harder. It was easier because they had every single day in which to capitalize on the lessons learned, but harder because it forced them to separate work life from personal life. Chuck had never quite learned how to compartmentalize the way Raleigh had. It made Chuck realize just how many disagreements with his father had simmered over into long-standing irritation. Chuck promptly made an appointment to discuss the situation with one of the staff psychologists, hoping that her insight would help him prevent a similar situation from happening. She in turn provided him with some tools, including a few reference books for later reading.

Slowly, Chuck learned what made Raleigh want to be with him. Cooking meals became a shared chore. Playing chess with real pieces or card games, with or without the commentary from the other pilots, replaced trying to use one of the game consoles. Chuck even found a few multiplayer board games so they could include their friends. Chuck made a concentrated attempt to communicate more, to tell Raleigh he loved him, that they were more than just sex partners. Chuck still refused to disclose his private life to the media, but he shared with Raleigh why: a previous relationship with a playboy actor had made Chuck leery of providing the media with such fuel.

Slowly, Raleigh allowed Chuck to sit close again and cuddle with him, with no intention of turning it into sex. They still had sex, but it was…different now, and Chuck couldn’t quantify what it was, except that it felt more like love and less like fucking. The months Raleigh had spent medicated meant that he still had issues with the side effects, which frustrated him. Aided by Tobey’s reassuring presence, Raleigh began to talk more about things he wanted to do and the things he’d done while Chuck had been busy working. Much to their amusement, Tobey insisted on ‘helping’ them by sleeping in between them. That meant that if they wanted to get amorous, they had to shut him out of the room. They alternated rooms more frequently until weekends were often spent more in Chuck’s room. Weeknights, when Raleigh needed more structure to cope with the daily pressures, were spent in Raleigh’s room or apart, with no apologies or recriminations over whatever choice was made at the moment.

Chuck and Raleigh started running together, bringing Tobey along to keep him exercised. Nicole often joined them, and so did Mako, who put Sakiko in a running stroller. Their path was all within the safety of the ‘dome’s perimeter, but on one memorable occasion, Herc arranged for all of the pilots, including himself, to run through one of Sydney’s parks. They made for a striking group, especially with Sakiko and Tobey along, but the video clip of them running was officially released a day later.

On the Sunday just after Christmas, Chuck woke to Raleigh kissing him.

“How’d you get in?” Chuck asked, long moments later.

“Told Nicole I wanted to surprise you.”

Knowing one’s co-pilot’s keycode from the Drift was a cheap parlor trick, but Chuck knew he’d have done the same. By now, he knew that Raleigh had just left the door unlocked when he’d done his late-night wandering. They had discovered Tobey would bark and wake Chuck if Raleigh tried that trick now, so they had to lock the door lest the dog chased after Raleigh. “Did Nic give you a hard time about it?”

“Only said if her future boyfriend did the same, she expected a full lecture on how she liked to sleep in.” Raleigh looked amused.

“Noted.” Relishing the feel of Raleigh in his arms, Chuck didn’t want to get up, but knew his body was used to a routine upon waking. “Much as want to stay right here, I need to get up. Want to keep my bed warm for me?”

Understanding, Raleigh rolled to the side so Chuck could get up and use the bathroom. When Chuck returned, he found Raleigh had undressed and was now lazily stroking his cock.

“So it turns out,” Raleigh said conversationally, “I really am a morning person.”

Chuck prided himself on being able to react quickly to situations. “And what would you like me to do?” Chuck asked earnestly.

Raleigh raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“Maybe,” Chuck said. “You know how oblivious I can be.”

Raleigh laughed and kissed him. “I see.” He put Chuck’s hand on his cock and said, “Why don’t you stop talking and put that mouth somewhere else more useful?”

Grinning, Chuck slid down Raleigh’s body, pausing only to lick and tease Raleigh’s nipples. Without the need to wax his body to keep the sweat down between his skin and a neural underlayer, Raleigh had discontinued doing so. Chuck reveled in the treasure trail he now sported. He ran his hand through the thin mat, stroking as he continued his path down to Raleigh’s erection. Raleigh arched into the touch, then moaned as Chuck put his mouth on Raleigh’s cock. Raleigh was not fully hard, but hard enough to suit what they both wanted.

Suspecting that Raleigh wouldn’t last long, Chuck didn’t bother with finesse. Bracing his left arm across Raleigh’s hips, Chuck licked around the head of Raleigh’s cock and used his right hand to stroke the shaft. He could feel Raleigh’s cock responding to his ministrations and heard Raleigh’s breathless moans of encouragement. It didn’t take long for Raleigh to come; the taste was bitter, but Chuck swallowed anyway.

He was rewarded when Raleigh pulled him up and held tight – not kissing, but just holding him. Chuck pressed a kiss to the side of Raleigh’s neck even as he returned the embrace and felt Raleigh shudder. “Hey. It’s okay; I’ve got you. Never gonna let you go. I love you.”

Raleigh shuddered through another breath. “Just…did not realize just how wrapped up being a guy was connected to being able to do that.”

Chuck shifted and kissed him, closed-mouth since he was worried about how he’d taste. “Never thought less of you for it,” he assured Raleigh.

Raleigh offered him a rueful smile. “I know. I just…know you don’t always like topping.”

“I also don’t like it when you think you have to pretend everything’s happy when it’s not,” Chuck replied. “That pisses me off more.”

Raleigh ducked his head sheepishly. “Middle child syndrome? Always want to be the peacemaker?”

“Cut the bullshit,” Chuck said. “It’s just you and me here.” He softened his harsh words with a kiss. “I love you. I swear I’ll go through all _1001 Ways to Be Romantic_ if it helps show you, but none of that shit matters if we don’t talk.”

Raleigh blew out a breath. “Just…it’s harder for me these days to not run on instinct.”

“Do you love me?” Chuck asked.

“Yes,” Raleigh said, and his eyes widened. “I’ve never told you that, have I?”

Chuck shook his head. “Mako assured me you did, based on the way you were acting.”

“I love you, Chuck. That’s why I drive myself crazy trying to be sure you’re happy with me.”

“I don’t need you to be perfect. You attempting to be Mr. Perfect for someone else didn’t stop him from leaving, so why the fuck do you think it’s going to work a second time with me?” Chuck growled.

“You know us old jaeger pilots. We keep trying the same shit hoping it works this time.”

“Har har,” Chuck drawled, but he pulled Raleigh closer, bracketing him with his body and snuggling. “Tell that to someone who doesn’t owe his life to you climbing into a jaeger, believing trying again would work.”

Raleigh smiled ruefully at that.

After several contented minutes, Chuck asked, “Think we should let your dog in? He’s probably given up on whining by now.”

“Probably,” Raleigh agreed and kissed Chuck slowly, making him nearly forget his intentions.

“I see what you’re trying to do,” Chuck said, pulling back.

“Tobey’s with Mako,” Raleigh said. “Wanted you to myself this morning.”

“And why?”

Raleigh thrust gently up in reply and looked at Chuck like he was an idiot. “Because I’m still horny, even if I can’t get hard right now.”

“You’ll have to repeat that,” Chuck teased. “Apparently, I’m an oblivious idiot.”

Raleigh laughed and kissed him, then made a face. “You taste awful. Go wash your mouth and come back and kiss me.”

“Yes, sir, right away sir,” Chuck said, snapping off a salute as he got up.

“Keep that up and you won’t get anything,” Raleigh warned.

Laughing, Chuck went into the bathroom to rinse out his mouth with mouthwash. He found Raleigh waiting for him as promised. For long moments, Chuck’s focus was on kissing and cuddling with his lover, just enjoying being able to take the time to love each other with no real intent beyond being able to touch. Eventually, though, the heat between them rose, and Chuck was pleasantly surprised to find Raleigh was hard again.

“Want you in me,” he told Raleigh. “Even if it’s just for a little bit.”

“Yeah?” Raleigh asked, but he was already reaching for the lube and stash of condoms Chuck kept in his nightstand. From previous conversations, Chuck knew that Raleigh had no desire to go bareback, a sentiment Chuck shared. Raleigh tossed the bottle of lube to Chuck. “Get yourself ready. I don’t know how long I’m going to last.”

Nodding, Chuck did as he was requested, wincing slightly at the abrupt stretch. It had been a while, he thought ruefully since he’d stretched himself; next time, he thought, he was going to insist on Raleigh helping.

“Been a while?” Raleigh asked.

“Not since before you and I got together,” Chuck admitted. “Still want you, though.” He grinned crookedly. “I like a little bit of the burn. Go for it.”

Raleigh positioned himself and started working his cock inside of Chuck’s ass. It was not the sexiest moment in Chuck’s life by any means – this part never was, in his opinion – but he wanted this, understanding what it meant for both of them. Raleigh tried to balance going slow with the need to be inside, but Chuck didn’t want slow. He wanted a pace that matched the fire burning through him. “Come on, make me walk funny later,” he dared Raleigh.

Raleigh half-laughed, but he took up the challenge. For a few minutes, it was as if the time he’d spent fighting side effects was completely gone, but it didn’t last. “Gonna have to promise you a rain check,” he said apologetically as he pulled out.

Chuck kissed him. “Something to look forward to,” he said. “Want to just jerk me off?”

“You okay with that?” Raleigh asked hesitantly.

“Wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise,” Chuck said. “Maybe with a few fingers?”

Raleigh grinned. “I see how you are.”

Chuck arched an eyebrow and gave himself over to Raleigh. “I’m all yours to play with,” he said.

That was the last thing he said for a while that didn’t consist of Raleigh’s name or breathless moans. He had had no idea just how creative Raleigh could be with his hands or his mouth, especially if he were freed from the pressure to let Chuck fuck him. In hindsight, he should have been prepared for the dildo Raleigh pulled out, telling Chuck that his lover had planned this morning’s lovemaking session in full detail. He didn’t regret the surprise and told Raleigh precisely just how much he had enjoyed every minute.

They still had a long way to go, Chuck knew. Every day was another challenge. Every day was another reason to make sure they understood they weren’t just having fun with each other. Every day they had to make sure they didn’t get so caught up in the business of living and working together that they forgot to take the time to their relationship. As far as Chuck was concerned, this relationship with Raleigh was forever; he just needed to be sure that forever with him was what Raleigh wanted as well.

“Love you so much,” he told Raleigh now. “Don’t want anyone else.”

“Even if this,” Raleigh held up the dildo, “has to suffice for the real thing? I love you; I just don’t want you to be disappointed and want someone else.”

Chuck kissed him slowly. “Way I figure it, it’s gonna be a few more months before you’re free of all the drugs you took. Besides, it’s your hands on me. That’s more important.”

Raleigh blinked as tears started to well up in his eyes. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“Got into a jaeger at eighteen and made me dream that I could, too,” Chuck replied. “You didn’t owe me anything after Operation Pitfall. I thought for sure you’d just shake my hand. We’d be work mates at best. Then you kicked my ass into realizing that just because I hadn’t died like I thought I would that I had a whole list of things I wanted to do.” He met Raleigh’s eyes and gripped his hands. “By the time I knew I’d fallen in love with you, I’d spent so much time checking off that damned list that you’d written me, us, off as a possibility. I don’t want that again, and I know I’ve been ignoring you like crazy and assuming everything would be all right. If I start doing that again, please feel free to slap me up the head instead of backing off and becoming the public you instead of the guy I love.”

Raleigh took a shuddering breath. “I love you, Chuck. If I ever forget to tell you that, let me know?”

“Likewise,” Chuck promised, then added belatedly and hurriedly, “No tears, okay? I can’t handle tears. Tears are not allowed in my bed, okay?”

Raleigh half-laughed at the panic rising in Chuck’s voice. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

Chuck pulled the other man close and held tight for a few minutes before reluctantly admitting, “I’m starting to get a little sticky. Did you want to join me in the shower or did you want to get Tobey and get breakfast?”

Raleigh kissed him. “Shower, then Tobey and breakfast.”

Assured by the look on Raleigh’s face and his tone of voice, Chuck rose and offered a hand up to Raleigh before heading towards the bathroom. They were going to be okay, Chuck thought; it was just going to take the effort on both of their parts to keep talking when they both were inclined to say nothing and make bad assumptions. He made a mental note to thank his father for his plan; an unscheduled Drift session, just for old time’s sake, would fit the bill nicely.


	17. Epilogue

After more than a year together, Chuck thought he was fully prepared to propose. They had worked through Raleigh’s problems with sexual dysfunction, discovering along the way that it had led them to enjoy far more creativity with toys and non-penetrative sex than Chuck had ever imagined was possible. Even though those problems were largely in the past, Chuck looked forward to seeing just how creative they could get; Raleigh always managed to surprise him with something new. Shaking his head as he realized he was letting himself get derailed by thinking about sex instead of executing his plan, Chuck took a deep breath.

It was a good plan, he reminded himself. He had isolated the subject of his affections, away from the too-perceptive dog. He had selected a room with plenty of space out of courtesy for both of their occasional problems with feeling cramped. He had even bought a proper ring: nothing too flashy or sparkly and definitely nothing that looked remotely like it could’ve come from scrap jaeger metal. He had even practiced his words, in which he’d declare his love and his commitment to talking even when things got crazy, and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Raleigh. In Chuck’s opinion, it was quite a speech, but one worth saying. He was, of course, wholly unprepared for what Raleigh did. Raleigh stepped into the otherwise empty mess hall and sized him up with one look. He then said, “If that’s a ring in your hand so you can propose to me, the answer’s yes.”

Chuck goggled for thirty seconds (Raleigh would say later it was more like a full minute, but there were better things to argue about, and Chuck had gotten very good at figuring out what those were) before he recovered. “Can’t a guy try to be romantic for you?”

Raleigh grinned. “Oh, I suppose.” He waved his hand in a flourish. “Proceed.”

Chuck glared at him, then laughed, and had to take a breath when he realized he was suddenly nervous. All of his carefully prepared speech went out of his head as he got down on one knee, held out the ring box, and swallowed past the sudden thickness in his throat. Exhaling the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, he looked at Raleigh and asked, “I love you and want to be your partner in life. Will you marry me, Raleigh Becket?”

Raleigh pretended to consider it for all of ten seconds, then took the ring and knelt down in front of Chuck. Leaning forward, he took Chuck’s free hand to grasp it tight, leaned in, and kissed Chuck sweetly. “Yes.”

Cheers erupted from the sidelines, but Chuck and Raleigh ignored them, letting the kiss linger before a white-and-black spotted dog rudely shoved his nose in between them, whining softly.

Grinning, Chuck rose and waited until Raleigh had reassured Tobey and stood before Chuck took the ring box from Raleigh so he could put the wood-and-silver ring on Raleigh’s finger. “I love you,” Chuck told him.

“Love you too, Chuck,” Raleigh said. “How long of an engagement are we planning?”

Chuck grinned. “Oh, no, you are not getting a quickie wedding, Mr. Becket, but I promise you, we’ll do it all proper.”

Raleigh jerked slightly at that.

“Yeah, I heard how someone kept promising you to get married, and never did. His loss, my gain. How’s six months from now sound?”

“Six would make it December. You really want a Christmas anniversary?”

“Good point,” Chuck said. “Maybe early December? Or January?”

“Long as it’s not February,” Raleigh said, and both men knew why: Knifehead and Yancy’s death.

“March. Be fucking wet then.”

“What, you want it outside? You who can’t go out in the sun without sunscreen? And why are we waiting anyway?”

“Because you want to be able to invite your sister and not have her mad at me?”

“Ah, right,” Raleigh said with a nod. “Can we table this for after I’ve talked to Jazmine and find out when she can fly out here?”

Chuck nodded. “We’ll talk more later, but should we let the peanut gallery in?”

“Like we could hold them back for much longer,” Raleigh observed but leaned in to kiss Chuck.

Wolf whistles and applause greeted their embrace, but both men studiously ignored them as Tobey barked happily and tried to herd them closer together. Laughing, Chuck and Raleigh broke apart and let their extended family congratulate them on their engagement. They still had their moments, but Chuck was confident that making this kind of commitment would solidify their connection to each other, and give them added reason to keep working on their relationship. He looked at Raleigh and knew that together, they were unstoppable. Chuck reached for Raleigh’s hand and gripped it reassuringly, and Raleigh looked at him, his face full of love. Neither noticed Nicole snapping a photo of them at that moment. For a heartbeat, Chuck could swear he could feel a Drift connection between him and Raleigh – but he shook his head at his fancifulness, and concentrated instead on the reality of their love. They had a wedding to plan and work yet to do, and the day wasn’t over by any means. Typhoon season was still in progress, and none of the active jaeger pilots were exempt from duty.

“What do you say to handing over the plans to Mako and my old man and we head over to your room to celebrate?” Chuck asked, sotto voce, some minutes later.

“I say your plan sucks, but considering that’s part of the point,” Raleigh shrugged, his eyes gleaming, “maybe in a bit? I’m having fun figuring out how much Lili owes everyone for betting against us.”

Chuck laughed and kissed him. In a bit, yeah,” he agreed, and let himself be pulled back into the impromptu celebration.

 _Marshal Hercules Hansen_  
requests the honor of your presence  
at the wedding of his son, Ranger Charles ‘Chuck’ Hansen  
to  
Ranger Raleigh Becket

 _Saturday, November 20, 2032_  
at two-thirty in the afternoon  
The Old St. Thomas Chapel  
Narellan, NSW

_Reception immediately following at the Narellan Hotel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the curious, here's my writing soundtrack for this fic:  
> 1\. Poets of the Fall – Carnival of Rust  
> 2\. Adam Lambert – Sleepwalker  
> 3\. Christian Kane – Thinking of You  
> 4\. Daughtry – Maybe You’re Already Gone  
> 5\. Def Leppard – Work It Out  
> 6\. Prince – When Doves Cry  
> 7\. Fall Out Boy – Jet Pack Blues  
> 8\. The Script – This = Love  
> 9\. Vienna Teng – Gravity  
> 10\. Rob Thomas – I Am an Illusion  
> 11\. Florence + the Machine – Falling  
> 12\. Pentatonix – Rather Be  
> 13\. Survivor – I Can’t Hold Back  
> 14\. David Guetta featuring Sam Martin – Dangerous  
> 15\. The Swon Brothers – Chasing You Around
> 
> Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome. If you feel inspired to podfic, remix, make a playlist, make fan art - please just let me know where I can find it. :-) Thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and kudoing - and if you're reading this long after this posting date, thank you for continuing to do so. :-)


End file.
